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2/12/2008 c1 102Midnight In Eden
Overall I really like the overt simplicity of this piece because it works and it's interesting.

That in mind, I do have some suggestions.

1. Comma on the first line isn't really needed, the way I read that phrase is without one and I don't think it does much but jar an otherwise solid first line.

2. L6 - the "only" is superfluous.

3. Instead of another "and" on L8 why not put a period there and start the next part afresh as a new sentence?

4. L15 - no need for the comma.

Otherwise, again, I quite like this. Kudos.

Midnight

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