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9/22/2012 c68 277electrical moon
This is really nice! I know this feeling.
4/28/2012 c67 electrical moon
'people who don't exist'-McGee and Ziva, perhaps? ;)

Lovely poem. I just adore the way you write.
10/8/2011 c16 105a theoretic revolution
i've read the last few updates, but this one stood out to me a lot. it made me think. keep up the great work, looking forward to seeing some more soon.

catherine
6/11/2011 c54 Tytherpol
shh, the injuns might hear you.

approaching, slithering through the swamp

land, bog fog creeping around your

shoulderblades and your ears

aware, open to the moans of the dawn.

morning illuminates fear,

so you swallow your own in the still

of sunrise and search for the glow

from the camp you hope to destroy.

but the injuns are no longer scared, no,

there are deeper emotions that have

taken the hands of even the little ones.

they know you have come and will return.

too late, a silver snake hisses

beside you, his scales glowing,

sending signals into the sky,

his poison slow, your cover blown.

some death, you know, as you groan

and roll over, fire fire fire, the red

skins are coming, their red hearts are burning

bright with the blood of their dead,

... circle of life, dying culture, self-rejuvenation

... you can say something about them injuns not wanting to learn to kill, sharing wisdom of pain they didn't want to know

... i'm hoping youre the bad guy & the snake is your betraying sidekick who's siding with the injuns cos he doesn't want you to kill any more, like the dogs the whites brought with them then killed when they got close to camp so the injuns wouldn't hear them coming, the dog-snake looking out for its own life and the beauty and decency of injun existence, the unfairness of warfare then makes its own circle of life

... idk but i like it laady
3/28/2011 c53 unuseddd
Story of my life.
3/21/2011 c52 17greenforests
"hallway noises, how the walls"

I actually love the unfinished potential in this poem, the way it ends is actually poetic, as if asking a question "how the walls", completley out of context to the original thought though i'm guessing. I find it eerie and good :)

-J
1/1/2011 c51 unuseddd
But does this woman named Karen wear checkerboard sneakers in the operation room?

/rebel
8/26/2010 c48 she smolders
I like how this starts with a smirk and ends with a search for compatible blood types. Somehow it all ties in together and the poem makes sense as a whole.

I've enjoyed reading every chapter you updated this with.
6/26/2010 c45 greenforests
"I love this taste, never washing my face" I loved that it's so raw and simple but makes the poem. :)
5/29/2010 c43 unuseddd
normally i detest rhyme, but this piece definitely

comes off more as a spoken-word. the way i read it

in my mind was more dramatic. i like it a lot.

it's kind of a tongue twister though. oh, i suppose

what i loved most was that you didn't leave the rhyme

to the end of the line. internal rhyme is far better.

i wish i could fave this chapter!
5/2/2010 c41 Isca
"Good morning to you." Ahahaha! Honestly, what a perfect 'morning erection' line :P.
5/2/2010 c40 Isca
Tell me about it. I know elderly men who still only understand the world through sex or jealousy; it saddens me. Though, there are still decent men out there, thank goodness.
5/1/2010 c41 she smolders
Do I detect a Tori reference there? It was you that introduced me to her, so thanks for that.

The poems in this collection are great quick snippets that always get me thinking and itching to pick up a pen to jot down my own words. Take care.
4/26/2010 c5 AlsoSprachOdin
This is the most beautiful [insufficient vocabulary: "the line formed by the end of lines of text in a vertical direction"] I have ever seen. Only the second time I've seen anyone make the effort to give some aesthetics to the visual of digital text, and the first time it's not done in Notepad text. (Have I just been reading the wrong things all this time?)

It occurs to me that starting by going on about the weather could possibly have been a really interesting idea (the nature of conversations about the weather considered) if the subject didn't then so abruptly jump right into the flesh - as it were - of the matter.

And yeah, that's pretty much ripped right from my dad's wish-list for every Christmas and birthday: No stress or nagging. (what bitter, loathsome creature could ever conceived so sadistically of 'two adults living together'?)
4/26/2010 c3 AlsoSprachOdin
Brought a smile to my face when I got to "slice me". Hulk says to eat green, and it does suddenly sound so delicious.

What is this... "Fiction Rated: K"! I dunno, even if it's poetry, are you sure this isn't a little hot for a K-rating?
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