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2/29/2008 c2 56felicia13
Oh, I love this. It's a really excellent sort of excerpt from someone's life. Sort of poetry, but not really - it still can't stand alone and be a story, though. It's awkward, but pretty.

I feel like I always say this, but great ending. You have these sort-of aphorisms as endings, like you always know the perfect thing to say to end out the poem or story or whatever. It is, quite frankly, astonishing.

"Home is home, and no amount of bright lights or skyscrapers can change that." Very, very nice. When I was little, I wanted to live in the city. Now, I'm not so sure.

Felicia.
2/29/2008 c1 felicia13
According to site rules, you aren't allowed to have a chapter just be author's notes. Just so you know. ^^

Sounds like a ball. A racket, if you will. I look forward to seeing what belongs to the misfit crew of your mind.

Felicia.
2/25/2008 c13 42Kicking Poe
ah, this (collecting snippets) is such a good idea! I love the title of this chapter...reminds me of Iron & Wine song titles. the "jesus" piece was my favorite - just quirky, funny, and unexpected. I hope you add more. cheers.
2/24/2008 c13 Tytherpol
i think the second part of this one (#13) could be an amazing poem all in itself.
2/19/2008 c7 she smolders
The imagery creating by the watermelon piece is great, it made me think of blood and lust and life.

I also really like the contrast in the first and third line of the second piece since "sweet chins" and "clogged drained pipes" are quite different things.

I'm liking this unfinished pieces of yours a lot.
2/14/2008 c3 she smolders
I think I like it the most when you use food analogies. Reading this one made me grin, I just love the cockiness in your narrator's voice.
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