for Valentines Day is for Suckers4/11/2008 c1 
17Susurrent Threnody
Oh the pain! The drama! The angst! I see a person now bitter and set against love, jilted and broken but putting up a strong front. It is, however, a bit stereotypical, but that's fine. Three quaters of the stuff on FictionPress is anyway.
You know, I haven't looked on your profile in forever, and I finally do and BAM! You have a ton of stuff up.
17Susurrent ThrenodyOh the pain! The drama! The angst! I see a person now bitter and set against love, jilted and broken but putting up a strong front. It is, however, a bit stereotypical, but that's fine. Three quaters of the stuff on FictionPress is anyway.
You know, I haven't looked on your profile in forever, and I finally do and BAM! You have a ton of stuff up.
2/13/2008 c1 Accountnotactive1752
Well maybe I don't know that much about poetry but I like this one.
keep on writing!
Well maybe I don't know that much about poetry but I like this one.
keep on writing!
2/12/2008 c1 224Ryan Schiff
Sweetheart, darling, baby,
You've got a long ways to go on this one.
You won't like me, you can't love me.
I feel a shallow point in this poem,
Filled with meaningless cliches.
Why did I open it?
Because I have hope for all young poets,
that they can learn to believe in all the pretty
little vocabularies for writing well
of us
the poets.
Why did you put this up?
I'll hand you a pen, right now
I think you've got some revisions to do.
My rather rude rhetorical reconstruction of your rhyme has recommenced, and rather than just rebuke you, I'll rejoice and revel in your rebellious air!
The poem isn't beyond terrible, but it sits on a threshold. There are some very vague points, like the third line and the lines "Of us| To her".
The last line is somewhat entertaining but overall rather droll. Sadly the sarcasm doesn't fit the mood of the rest of the poem, though don't get me wrong it is a clever line.
It doesn't seem as though this poem has found it's form. The lines look like the jagged broken teeth of my knife drawer, and like that disorganized mess of a utility drawer, it needs a good cleaning up before the guest's are allowed to fetch their own utensils.
224Ryan SchiffSweetheart, darling, baby,
You've got a long ways to go on this one.
You won't like me, you can't love me.
I feel a shallow point in this poem,
Filled with meaningless cliches.
Why did I open it?
Because I have hope for all young poets,
that they can learn to believe in all the pretty
little vocabularies for writing well
of us
the poets.
Why did you put this up?
I'll hand you a pen, right now
I think you've got some revisions to do.
My rather rude rhetorical reconstruction of your rhyme has recommenced, and rather than just rebuke you, I'll rejoice and revel in your rebellious air!
The poem isn't beyond terrible, but it sits on a threshold. There are some very vague points, like the third line and the lines "Of us| To her".
The last line is somewhat entertaining but overall rather droll. Sadly the sarcasm doesn't fit the mood of the rest of the poem, though don't get me wrong it is a clever line.
It doesn't seem as though this poem has found it's form. The lines look like the jagged broken teeth of my knife drawer, and like that disorganized mess of a utility drawer, it needs a good cleaning up before the guest's are allowed to fetch their own utensils.