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for The Inchoate

3/17/2008 c1 lucero a bear is behind you
OMG that was like so totally awesome.

and it was even BESSER the second time.

I was like OOJOWJOWJOWWOWOW

you should really not not not stop doing this.
3/2/2008 c1 Saraneth-Marie Poirier
I enjoyed this one as well... although I must admit that parasites creep me out. But they're a part of life, and some people actually get sick from not having them. Ironically, I just finished reading the book "Peeps" by Scott Westerfield. Good book, you should read it if you haven't. I'm sure it would be right up your alley.

I thought perhaps, though, that it was just a little off. Maybe the meter? I'm not sure, but just ever so slightly, it needs a tweak.
2/23/2008 c2 132OneLastEndeavor
I actually liked this one better. It's written more eloquently and the format of the poem isn't so conventional. I suggest you keep the format like this instead of putting a bit of it to the right and a bit to the left. It works well together and the change of perspective is still easy enough to see with the formatting you did here.

I also like the way you title it.
2/23/2008 c1 OneLastEndeavor
This was one interesting piece. I've never seen someone use this theme with the kind of diction that you use. It did almost flow into a sort of scientific-tone but you brought it back abruptly with lines like "Like Vegas needs sluts!".

I am intrigued.
2/21/2008 c2 26Firetrap
I loved the second one: JayBird. It felt really faced paced and frantic, something I like in poetry. The ryming helped with setting that pace & also was a pretty hard achievment in my opinion because I always think it's extremely hard to do decent ryming poetry. :D The fact it had a lot of seemingly unconnected verses & ideas in it was also great, abstract and cryptic poetry are beautiful to me. :D Keep writing. :)

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