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for Corpse Moon

3/2/2008 c1 Saraneth-Marie Poirier
I thought it was very good. And I do very much believe that it has a second meaning- about people who have "lost" their hearts in real life and try to hurt all of those who have what they desire most- love, perhaps? Je ne sais pas. But I enjoyed it, anyways.
2/25/2008 c1 ecwix
Quite dark, I must say. But I am impressed. Your imagery is quite strong and the prose has an impassiveness that only adds to the dark mood you have generated.

The only real thing I have to say is that sometimes, your word choice leads to a less-optimal sentence (or, that's what I feel. Of course, it is rather a subjective opinion).

"Instantly, the others poured on, thick and hard and fast, biting and clawing [each other] to get to the treasured noise..."

But other than that, quite good. I particularly enjoyed your use of short, connecting phrases, repetition, parallel structure, and the like to create the depressing, unbalanced atmosphere.

Thought provoking as well. :) It brings me to wonder if there is any deeper meaning behind it. And of course, I must not forget to thank you for your review. It was most appreciated!
2/21/2008 c1 Kevin Legg
Wow, that really put a nightmarish vision in my head and reminds me of "Night on Bald Mountain." I guess the only improvement would be to further explain the motives of the demons and give a more in-depth story on why they're there.
2/18/2008 c1 643Jave Harron
Ah, an interesting setup here. Nice to see another steampunk fan. The prose here seemed bare in a few parts, though the imagery was quite interesting. A lot is left to the imagination (which I do like).

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