for Dizzy8/21/2008 c1 
64fatbird33
i liked that you had slowly as it's own line. it made it more powerful.
"spinning round" i think you should delete that line. It makes the poem less serious sounding and the poem could survive with out it.
"Uncounsciously spinning" I liked that spinning line. I guess the word choices are better than spinning round?
O! i like the slap in the face. nice.
nice last line.
loved the lines, "Fear, like liquid fire, shooting through my veins, poisoning my perspective on the world." Great insight there.
i liked the intense feel of this poem. good job at writing it like that. so it was a very nice poem, and the only thing that i would change is the first spinning round line. maybe just reword it instead of deleting it completley...
keep writing!
64fatbird33i liked that you had slowly as it's own line. it made it more powerful.
"spinning round" i think you should delete that line. It makes the poem less serious sounding and the poem could survive with out it.
"Uncounsciously spinning" I liked that spinning line. I guess the word choices are better than spinning round?
O! i like the slap in the face. nice.
nice last line.
loved the lines, "Fear, like liquid fire, shooting through my veins, poisoning my perspective on the world." Great insight there.
i liked the intense feel of this poem. good job at writing it like that. so it was a very nice poem, and the only thing that i would change is the first spinning round line. maybe just reword it instead of deleting it completley...
keep writing!
3/29/2008 c1 32Dreaming Chica
Wow! You have such a way with words! I really like the flow of this poem! And the words you chose really captures the reader!
♥ Dreaming Chica ♥
32Dreaming ChicaWow! You have such a way with words! I really like the flow of this poem! And the words you chose really captures the reader!
♥ Dreaming Chica ♥
3/26/2008 c1 6ForeverxDreaming
This is a very powerful piece of work... you captured the emotion of fear, it's so powerful! And of being completely overwhelmed. Great job!
-Dreamer
6ForeverxDreamingThis is a very powerful piece of work... you captured the emotion of fear, it's so powerful! And of being completely overwhelmed. Great job!
-Dreamer
2/22/2008 c1 17Canoegirl42
This is a really awsome, powerful piece. I really liked the metaphors you used. Keep up the good work!
17Canoegirl42This is a really awsome, powerful piece. I really liked the metaphors you used. Keep up the good work!