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8/21/2008 c1 64fatbird33
i liked that you had slowly as it's own line. it made it more powerful.

"spinning round" i think you should delete that line. It makes the poem less serious sounding and the poem could survive with out it.

"Uncounsciously spinning" I liked that spinning line. I guess the word choices are better than spinning round?

O! i like the slap in the face. nice.

nice last line.

loved the lines, "Fear, like liquid fire, shooting through my veins, poisoning my perspective on the world." Great insight there.

i liked the intense feel of this poem. good job at writing it like that. so it was a very nice poem, and the only thing that i would change is the first spinning round line. maybe just reword it instead of deleting it completley...

keep writing!
3/29/2008 c1 32Dreaming Chica
Wow! You have such a way with words! I really like the flow of this poem! And the words you chose really captures the reader!

♥ Dreaming Chica ♥
3/26/2008 c1 6ForeverxDreaming
This is a very powerful piece of work... you captured the emotion of fear, it's so powerful! And of being completely overwhelmed. Great job!

-Dreamer
2/22/2008 c1 17Canoegirl42
This is a really awsome, powerful piece. I really liked the metaphors you used. Keep up the good work!

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