for Sisterly Love6/27/2008 c1 hey maria
When you said the two-line stanza was a direct quotation, I thought you were talking about the last stanza and I was all "wtf no" and I was going to go get my Bible and everything. Yeah, I felt pretty stupid when I realized out what you meant.
This is a really good poem. I'm a younger sister, and even though you wrote this with older sisters in mind, I can still relate. I like how the poem progresses from the first half, which is a list of how the sister fails to fulfill 1 Corinthians 13, to the second half, where the sister does fulfill it. And I absolutely love the last two lines. Good job.
When you said the two-line stanza was a direct quotation, I thought you were talking about the last stanza and I was all "wtf no" and I was going to go get my Bible and everything. Yeah, I felt pretty stupid when I realized out what you meant.
This is a really good poem. I'm a younger sister, and even though you wrote this with older sisters in mind, I can still relate. I like how the poem progresses from the first half, which is a list of how the sister fails to fulfill 1 Corinthians 13, to the second half, where the sister does fulfill it. And I absolutely love the last two lines. Good job.
4/29/2008 c1 
15Zonne
This is Terrific because it is Very warm, very honest, very vulnerable.
I enjoyed the beginning, the set of really sibling rivalry comments.
I agree with your breaking it in the middle with the two line stanza. Partly because it speaks for itself... no explanation needed, and partly because it provides a transition from the first 1/2 (being annoyed) to the second 1/2 (loving so intently).
I especially liked the last line. I think this personalizes the reality of how we all are, imperfect, human.
Also, the way you made the list that is SO often quoted from Cor. into a very real, personal, touchable, translation is powerful. It's easy to say "love is kind" but to apply it? to make it 'real' all the time? That's not easy and you express the many facets of love with the many facets of humanity.
Overall, bravo.
15ZonneThis is Terrific because it is Very warm, very honest, very vulnerable.
I enjoyed the beginning, the set of really sibling rivalry comments.
I agree with your breaking it in the middle with the two line stanza. Partly because it speaks for itself... no explanation needed, and partly because it provides a transition from the first 1/2 (being annoyed) to the second 1/2 (loving so intently).
I especially liked the last line. I think this personalizes the reality of how we all are, imperfect, human.
Also, the way you made the list that is SO often quoted from Cor. into a very real, personal, touchable, translation is powerful. It's easy to say "love is kind" but to apply it? to make it 'real' all the time? That's not easy and you express the many facets of love with the many facets of humanity.
Overall, bravo.
4/20/2008 c1 59Kikyuu
I can really identify with this - I'm an older sister myself, and always feeling as if I'm straddling the line between love and hate. I enjoyed most of it, except for when you write "Interrupt me while I’m reading/and I’m guaranteed to snap." I think that's the weakest part of the entire poem but can't for the life of me explain why. Apologies for that. Maybe you can take another look at it?
59KikyuuI can really identify with this - I'm an older sister myself, and always feeling as if I'm straddling the line between love and hate. I enjoyed most of it, except for when you write "Interrupt me while I’m reading/and I’m guaranteed to snap." I think that's the weakest part of the entire poem but can't for the life of me explain why. Apologies for that. Maybe you can take another look at it?
3/15/2008 c1 Vanilla Tea
Wow, i love how honest this really sounds. My favorite stanza might be the third to last. the stanza "Love does not delight in evil/but rejoices with the truth" doesnt sound too bad, but it does seem a bit odd that it has two lines when the rest has four, you should add more to that part. It would also make the last stanza stand out a little more because it would be the only two-lined stanza. in the fifth to last stanza, i also think it should be "from dating him again." Nice job on this poem otherwise though.
Wow, i love how honest this really sounds. My favorite stanza might be the third to last. the stanza "Love does not delight in evil/but rejoices with the truth" doesnt sound too bad, but it does seem a bit odd that it has two lines when the rest has four, you should add more to that part. It would also make the last stanza stand out a little more because it would be the only two-lined stanza. in the fifth to last stanza, i also think it should be "from dating him again." Nice job on this poem otherwise though.
3/11/2008 c1 63yanz
I like this because it's so honest, the first four stanzas are great. But what happened here?
"Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth."
It just looks weird having a two liner in between the rest of the other organized stanzas.
63yanzI like this because it's so honest, the first four stanzas are great. But what happened here?
"Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth."
It just looks weird having a two liner in between the rest of the other organized stanzas.
2/26/2008 c1 2Adventure Getaway
Sweet and true. I love it!
It has that surprise that poets often forget to put at the end of their poems. Good job, I can't wait to read more! =]
2Adventure GetawaySweet and true. I love it!
It has that surprise that poets often forget to put at the end of their poems. Good job, I can't wait to read more! =]
2/25/2008 c1 29hasseena
I really like the concept. The first half of the poem is well developed. The second half isn't. I mean, it could have been a lot better.
Why is this a two-liner when others are four liners?
"Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth."
Maybe you could add and edit a little. It could be excellent.
29hasseenaI really like the concept. The first half of the poem is well developed. The second half isn't. I mean, it could have been a lot better.
Why is this a two-liner when others are four liners?
"Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth."
Maybe you could add and edit a little. It could be excellent.
2/25/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
Love does not delight in evil/but rejoices with the truth... what happened here? there's nothing.. lol
to stop you/dating him again. from dating sounds better to me
I like this.. the twist on the proverb? or whatever is really awesome and as someone with a sister I can totally relate... really great
612simpleplan13Love does not delight in evil/but rejoices with the truth... what happened here? there's nothing.. lol
to stop you/dating him again. from dating sounds better to me
I like this.. the twist on the proverb? or whatever is really awesome and as someone with a sister I can totally relate... really great