for My best friend and my worst enemies11/1/2008 c1 
2PurpleDino
Interesting. I noticed a lot of run-ons and grammar errors as well, so it was a little hard to follow. But it all it was pretty good and the last two paragraphs/lines made me laugh. Haha. Oh, and, tag your it.
2PurpleDinoInteresting. I noticed a lot of run-ons and grammar errors as well, so it was a little hard to follow. But it all it was pretty good and the last two paragraphs/lines made me laugh. Haha. Oh, and, tag your it.
10/21/2008 c1 AoiUshiTofu
Yeah. I noticed a lot of grammar errors. Oh well. Setting that aside, it reminds me of a show I watched on TV one time. (Something) Daisies, where there's a guy who could bring people back to life by a simple touch, as well as kill them in the same manner. Hehe. It's funny.
Yeah. I noticed a lot of grammar errors. Oh well. Setting that aside, it reminds me of a show I watched on TV one time. (Something) Daisies, where there's a guy who could bring people back to life by a simple touch, as well as kill them in the same manner. Hehe. It's funny.
6/13/2008 c1 8AlexSanguine
Interesting...
As with your other stories, it just needs more...sentences then run-ons. All in all though, it was...interesting XD
8AlexSanguineInteresting...
As with your other stories, it just needs more...sentences then run-ons. All in all though, it was...interesting XD
5/17/2008 c1 146Sexy Vampirechick
You have lots of run on's. Which made the flow of your story hard to follow.
Here are some edits and corrections:
I was just waiting for the next teacher to come and Fernando made me angry so I called him a dumbass(.) He got angry so he challenged me, [the challenge was] (to) kill him with my own two fist but I didn’t want to kill anyone;but Everybody pushed me to the front because they wanted to see us fight.
Fernando tried punching me many times but I was fast so he couldn’t(.) When he was about to hit my face I dodge it [then](and) I pushed him(.) [and] He fell [but] (and) his head got hit by the table and I felt fear because I’ll get in trouble if somebody finds out that I killed him and it was unfair [that just a little push killed him.] (because I only pushed him a little).
Everybody shouted at me for killing Fernando(.) [and] I got very very angry because it was so unfair(.) [that] He was the one who challenged me to kill him and I (was only) [accidentally] (and accident that I) killed him(.) So I got mad and I punched [a] (the) guy and it felt so good so I started killing anyone who made me angry.
Is it me or did Fernando only fainted? O_O... Well, I guess since you stated that it was just a dream it could happen that it turned out weird. But overall,I think you need to proof read before posting. The grammatical errors tend to push me off and thus focus less on the plot of the story.
146Sexy VampirechickYou have lots of run on's. Which made the flow of your story hard to follow.
Here are some edits and corrections:
I was just waiting for the next teacher to come and Fernando made me angry so I called him a dumbass(.) He got angry so he challenged me, [the challenge was] (to) kill him with my own two fist but I didn’t want to kill anyone;but Everybody pushed me to the front because they wanted to see us fight.
Fernando tried punching me many times but I was fast so he couldn’t(.) When he was about to hit my face I dodge it [then](and) I pushed him(.) [and] He fell [but] (and) his head got hit by the table and I felt fear because I’ll get in trouble if somebody finds out that I killed him and it was unfair [that just a little push killed him.] (because I only pushed him a little).
Everybody shouted at me for killing Fernando(.) [and] I got very very angry because it was so unfair(.) [that] He was the one who challenged me to kill him and I (was only) [accidentally] (and accident that I) killed him(.) So I got mad and I punched [a] (the) guy and it felt so good so I started killing anyone who made me angry.
Is it me or did Fernando only fainted? O_O... Well, I guess since you stated that it was just a dream it could happen that it turned out weird. But overall,I think you need to proof read before posting. The grammatical errors tend to push me off and thus focus less on the plot of the story.