for My Prince?6/10/2009 c1 
21Chronic-Anachronism
Nice! I'm forever angsting over poems that don't rhyme not being deep enough to be poetry, but this is really good. Beautiful imagery.
21Chronic-AnachronismNice! I'm forever angsting over poems that don't rhyme not being deep enough to be poetry, but this is really good. Beautiful imagery.
6/10/2009 c1 Counting Petals
I like all of the metaphors you use here. They're really interesting and while I've seen a couple of them before, they're used here in a way that's different and refreshing.
I wasn't really sure about all the really short, choppy lines, and while I still don't really like them that much, I think they work for the style of the poem. I think you could take out the "(like your poisonous kisses)" line, though. It's sort of distracting and you could do without it.
Overall, love this poem. =)
-Othello (I changed my pen name.)
I like all of the metaphors you use here. They're really interesting and while I've seen a couple of them before, they're used here in a way that's different and refreshing.
I wasn't really sure about all the really short, choppy lines, and while I still don't really like them that much, I think they work for the style of the poem. I think you could take out the "(like your poisonous kisses)" line, though. It's sort of distracting and you could do without it.
Overall, love this poem. =)
-Othello (I changed my pen name.)
4/21/2009 c1 22SmexyVampiress1
I thought that this would be a sappy cliche sort of thing. Since I've never read any of your writing of course. But this is the total opposite. I like how you show you can have your prince charming and he doesn't have to be perfect to other people. Hell not even to yourself but nobody is. All around I love the sense of reality you put into the poem. It finished nicely and kept me interested.
The one and only,
XxTiffanyxX
22SmexyVampiress1I thought that this would be a sappy cliche sort of thing. Since I've never read any of your writing of course. But this is the total opposite. I like how you show you can have your prince charming and he doesn't have to be perfect to other people. Hell not even to yourself but nobody is. All around I love the sense of reality you put into the poem. It finished nicely and kept me interested.
The one and only,
XxTiffanyxX
10/19/2008 c1 40NadNad
I fancy how you combined the fairy tale-like elements into reality such as emphasizing that there is a prince, flawed, but a prince nevertheless instead of the godsend Prince Charming. Well done.
40NadNadI fancy how you combined the fairy tale-like elements into reality such as emphasizing that there is a prince, flawed, but a prince nevertheless instead of the godsend Prince Charming. Well done.
9/21/2008 c1 54Lifeless Prophet
Outside of some visual stuff (form of the piece) its a wonderful read. Very creative use of language. Good use of turning clichés on themselves and giving them a new sound.
-Prophet-
54Lifeless ProphetOutside of some visual stuff (form of the piece) its a wonderful read. Very creative use of language. Good use of turning clichés on themselves and giving them a new sound.
-Prophet-
7/25/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon. Here is your prize review:
This is an interesting poem. I like the analogy in the third stanza. I've never heard it used before, but it fits the topic so well.
There were a few lines that were a bit longer than the rest that I thought interrupted the flow a bit. Other than that, nearly flawless work as always!
2dragonflydreamerCongrats on winning the Review Marathon. Here is your prize review:
This is an interesting poem. I like the analogy in the third stanza. I've never heard it used before, but it fits the topic so well.
There were a few lines that were a bit longer than the rest that I thought interrupted the flow a bit. Other than that, nearly flawless work as always!
7/23/2008 c1 96Briar's Thorn
i like it. it flows, its a poem in story format,i like those there fun and hard to pull off. which of course makes them more fun to try. i liked all the stanzas but the second though, it seemed choppy, in a way(dont know it thats the right word for it). a little to drawn out. try to say the same thing in fewer words. it would make it flow better.
Also thank you for the tip. i think it was suppose to say 'into' but i did write it at 2:30 in the morning so it doesnt surprise me if i did miss something. if you have the time i would like you to review my short story, A Mantra of Words. it would be much apriciated.
Yours Truely,
Thorn
96Briar's Thorni like it. it flows, its a poem in story format,i like those there fun and hard to pull off. which of course makes them more fun to try. i liked all the stanzas but the second though, it seemed choppy, in a way(dont know it thats the right word for it). a little to drawn out. try to say the same thing in fewer words. it would make it flow better.
Also thank you for the tip. i think it was suppose to say 'into' but i did write it at 2:30 in the morning so it doesnt surprise me if i did miss something. if you have the time i would like you to review my short story, A Mantra of Words. it would be much apriciated.
Yours Truely,
Thorn
7/15/2008 c1 4PhantomBialystock
I liked this a lot. There was a lot of imagery and metaphors that made your poem very interesting. I especially like the one about going swimming right after eating. :D
Your summary says you're looking for some critique, though, so here it is:
"Always bellyflopping into ice cold water,
(like your poisonous kisses)"
I think the second line could be taken out. I found it somewhat interrupted the flow of your poem. And one more thing you could take into consideration:
"Only you have that effect on me
like a forbidden sweet"
I think you could combine these two lines together. Something like, "You're like a forbidden sweet" might sound better. That's not really my best, but you get the idea, right?
Besides those two things, this was a very sweet poem and I liked it a lot. It was better than I could ever do. :)
4PhantomBialystockI liked this a lot. There was a lot of imagery and metaphors that made your poem very interesting. I especially like the one about going swimming right after eating. :D
Your summary says you're looking for some critique, though, so here it is:
"Always bellyflopping into ice cold water,
(like your poisonous kisses)"
I think the second line could be taken out. I found it somewhat interrupted the flow of your poem. And one more thing you could take into consideration:
"Only you have that effect on me
like a forbidden sweet"
I think you could combine these two lines together. Something like, "You're like a forbidden sweet" might sound better. That's not really my best, but you get the idea, right?
Besides those two things, this was a very sweet poem and I liked it a lot. It was better than I could ever do. :)
7/10/2008 c1 painted eyes
I think that by far, the first stanza was the best. In the first two stanzas you have the water image, and in the last few, that imagery was lost. I don't really like the line 'But you suck me in anyway' as you were describing hand imagery, such as being caught from falling, but then used the word 'suck' which I felt related back to the sweet image in the opening of that stanza.
Anyway, this is only one opinion, and don't get me wrong- I did like this piece!
Keep up the good work.
~painted
I think that by far, the first stanza was the best. In the first two stanzas you have the water image, and in the last few, that imagery was lost. I don't really like the line 'But you suck me in anyway' as you were describing hand imagery, such as being caught from falling, but then used the word 'suck' which I felt related back to the sweet image in the opening of that stanza.
Anyway, this is only one opinion, and don't get me wrong- I did like this piece!
Keep up the good work.
~painted
6/6/2008 c1 Hallie Stunt
the wording is a little awkward in a few places
but mostly this is a FABULOUS poem
i love the part about the swimming and fighting like hell to keep your head above water, and the poisonous kissed
awesome job
the wording is a little awkward in a few places
but mostly this is a FABULOUS poem
i love the part about the swimming and fighting like hell to keep your head above water, and the poisonous kissed
awesome job
6/4/2008 c1 72angel953
At first I thought this was gonna be kinda bashing a guy, so when I realized [basically in the last stanza] that this was actually really sweet, it brought sort of an element of surprise into the poem. This is definitely something I think many can relate to, including myself. This is really good! Keep up the great work!
~angel953
[prize revew for Fight For The Freebie]
72angel953At first I thought this was gonna be kinda bashing a guy, so when I realized [basically in the last stanza] that this was actually really sweet, it brought sort of an element of surprise into the poem. This is definitely something I think many can relate to, including myself. This is really good! Keep up the great work!
~angel953
[prize revew for Fight For The Freebie]
5/27/2008 c1 31Satsumaimo
oh, wow.. this poem perhaps almost perfectly describes how I feel about the one I'm with. There's so much about him that people hate, but I love him so dearly. Like in this poem, he sucks me in and I feel lost without him.
I love this one.
31Satsumaimooh, wow.. this poem perhaps almost perfectly describes how I feel about the one I'm with. There's so much about him that people hate, but I love him so dearly. Like in this poem, he sucks me in and I feel lost without him.
I love this one.
5/13/2008 c1 95XxXKristie MarieXxX
Aww this is so very cute I loveit! The poem flows great and it ends completly. Nice work!
XKristie MarieX
95XxXKristie MarieXxXAww this is so very cute I loveit! The poem flows great and it ends completly. Nice work!
XKristie MarieX