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3/26/2008 c1 9Fyxthamnzwik
normally I would leave a scholarly comment, but I can't manage much more than nice work. I like it.

with a lot of the poetry I see on this site, it's hard to get into the speaker's head. I had no problem with this one, you conveyed the emotion you felt very well with your words.

some things of mine you might like:

theresa e

the window
3/9/2008 c1 1The Brilliance of the Mindless
Your rhyming is such an amazing fete! I love the idea that guilt grows like a tumor in the mind. Very descriptive.

Rebekah
2/27/2008 c1 half-sketched.staccatos
konnichi wa

Okay, so I honestly don't like rhyming. It used to be the only thing I could write, but now I try to stay away from it; it bothers me. *shrug* So becuase of that, I found this... OKAY. Nt great - but that's because of my personality and what I like. Other reviewers I'm sure would love it.

I just had to review because of two lines that stuck out at me (and because I review whether I like things or not - because I don't want the art of reviewing to be lost as it seems to be going):

:Remorse is rushing through my veins

Like speeding cars on highway lanes

There’s guilt embedded in my mind

A tumor doctors cannot find"

I liked the respective similie and metaphor here. They were BRILLIANT!

Ha det

-Shan-
2/27/2008 c1 15Zonne
Wow, Reaally heartfelt and powerful and yet still rhymes. I guess that's what impresses me. Usually the sing-song rhyme don't express a sorrowful emotion. Very well done.
2/27/2008 c1 10The Thorn Bird
It is supposed to be "It pains me LIKE a bullet shot." I edited the typo, but it doesn't seem to be showing up on fictionpress.
2/27/2008 c1 37TaltushMeiMei
I must say that I'm impressed by the way you pulled off these rhymes. Most of them are standard, and yet you didn't have this poem feel stale or dull. One line troubles me: "It pains me a bullet shot" Pains me like a bullet shot, perhaps? I didn't really get it. Anyways, nice job. It's rare to find a poem that tells a story, rhymes, and does it well.

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