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10/21/2008 c1 2KM. Yaneth
A good piece. Although, I have to agree with one of the previous reviewers, the 'Hate' line just sticks out like a sore thumb. One-word lines should hold passion and demand immediate attention, but it didn't jump out at me, it only lurked awkwardly in the background.

And it was a bit choppy. Passionate pieces like that should flow-enraged, completely unaware of anything but the depth of it own passion.

I liked it though. Don't misunderstand my critism as hatred or ragging. It was a great little piece, I felt it.
3/6/2008 c1 20Twilight Starr
Haunting piece. It's thought envoking. Nice job on description. "The beauty of the crimson river" was a particularly vivid line. Great work.

~Twilight Starr~
2/27/2008 c1 37TaltushMeiMei
Kind of cool, but there were some parts I didn't really like. For example, I didn't like the way "hate" just stuck out. It didn't fit the flow at all. Same for "Take the Shot" and "It pours, it flows", ironically enough. Also, I think there's a mistake with "Is it worth it? Decided now." In theory, it could work as it's written here, but it's all present tense, so it doesn't actually fit.

The content is interesting. While it wasn't particularly suspenseful (I figured it would be something like this), it's still kind of neat. Overall, the poem is pretty good. I think after having some adjustments made on the flow, it could be really great. Until then, nice job.
2/27/2008 c1 31Thomicas
Wow, this was very intriguing. It is written with passion, and the main idea is very clever.

I didn't quite like the idea of the

"Scanning the room,

Spotting the target,

Take the Shot"

Part. Kind of ruined the agitation a little in my opinion. But still; this is one of the best poems I've read in a long time! Well done!


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