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for No Longer Human

3/2/2008 c1 1Oceans of Mercury
I Like short stories with a strong story line that punches you right in the stomach. Revealing the true primal and vicious nature of a person is always gripping. I enjoy how it wasn't too unrealistic. I confess that I jumped the gun and assumed that Jon was going to make a harrowing retaliation, easily wrestling the gun away and quickly removing the bank robbers from the pages of existence in a show of skilled and calculated moves.

While it wasn't unrealistic, it was still daring, being filled with so much hate and lust for vengence he was uncaring of what happened to himself, only that he at least honor his wife.

Excellent job of description too, while not going overboard.

There were only a couple grammatical mistakes that I noticed

"...ever muscle in his body ..." 'every' missing a 'y'

"The salty tangy tasty of blood." 'tasty' should just be 'taste'

There were also a few details that didn't seem to fit

"...crushing his lung pipe..." Lung pipe isn't a very good name, wind pipe, or throat would work better.

"He felt hot blood splatter on him." while the body temperature is normally around 96 degrees I wouldn't go so far as to say the blood was 'hot'.

I enjoyed this story immensely though, you have a lot of creativity ans a skilled hand at writing. Keep it up.

Oh yeah, if you enjoy violent stories you should read the one I just wrote, Meeting Guests in the Parlor.

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