3/6/2008 c1 lydia
Well, it's interesting to me. Please continue this story. I want to know what happens next.

3/1/2008 c1 5Lily Jane
I enjoy your vivid imagination's capability to take a foreign situation and portray the main character's thoughts and feelings in a believable way. Watch the tendency to put all your thoughts into one sentence as a few times it sort of caused a bump in my reading. I'm sure a few re-readings and slight editing will mature this beginning piece very well.

Watch for some sentences that you didn't quite begin or finish:

"How did I get here? rubbed my temples in deep concentration and my brow furrowed in frustration."

And longer sentences that become muttled because they are full of too many thoughts being shoved together at once:

"When he returned he proudly held a map, as soon as he saw that I knew what it was he laid it out on the table."

Thank you for sharing your work. I hope to read more of it. :)