for Never Meant To Be5/3/2009 c1 
4lookingwest
Aw. This poem is filled with deeper emotion, which is surprising, because it was inspired by an avatar, haha. I can really see it in my mind because of the words you used, like "a few droplets" and "the tall glass vase crashing" which has a nice consonant sound to it. I also appreciated how you italicized "you" because it really made the word jump out had have extra "umph". Every poem should have an extra "umph" :D
4lookingwestAw. This poem is filled with deeper emotion, which is surprising, because it was inspired by an avatar, haha. I can really see it in my mind because of the words you used, like "a few droplets" and "the tall glass vase crashing" which has a nice consonant sound to it. I also appreciated how you italicized "you" because it really made the word jump out had have extra "umph". Every poem should have an extra "umph" :D
2/25/2009 c1 24Miss Bob
Hey, hey Lime! I lost the game in the BWB thread, so this here review is (very much)owed! Sorry for the wait.
The imagery and word play used in this poem is stunningly effective: I particularly like the phrase "held so many feelings in each petal" and "Hugging my knees instead of you…" (the latter actually made me gasp in sympathy, tres beautiful and haunting)
The way the poem is laid out makes me think of a vase, and I don’t know if that’s intentional, or just my mind being odd, but I like it! :D
24Miss BobHey, hey Lime! I lost the game in the BWB thread, so this here review is (very much)owed! Sorry for the wait.
The imagery and word play used in this poem is stunningly effective: I particularly like the phrase "held so many feelings in each petal" and "Hugging my knees instead of you…" (the latter actually made me gasp in sympathy, tres beautiful and haunting)
The way the poem is laid out makes me think of a vase, and I don’t know if that’s intentional, or just my mind being odd, but I like it! :D
1/3/2009 c1 Left FP
~The 2nd review I promised~
I could really relate to this poem. I felt like taking up my vase and bringing it crashing down his head instead though! Okay, jokes apart - I loved how the poem ends.
The speaker is all despair hugs her knees, and compares it to the lover and the final words - NEVER MEANT TO BE.
You are a budding poet. Sorry I couldn't offer much concrit. I am just in shock how good poetry can get, if one just keeps at it.
You just inspired me to write a poem of my own!
Keep up the good work, again!
(P.S. - was the review absolutely terrible?)
~The 2nd review I promised~
I could really relate to this poem. I felt like taking up my vase and bringing it crashing down his head instead though! Okay, jokes apart - I loved how the poem ends.
The speaker is all despair hugs her knees, and compares it to the lover and the final words - NEVER MEANT TO BE.
You are a budding poet. Sorry I couldn't offer much concrit. I am just in shock how good poetry can get, if one just keeps at it.
You just inspired me to write a poem of my own!
Keep up the good work, again!
(P.S. - was the review absolutely terrible?)
9/8/2008 c1 70Guy1122
I really liked this poem! I love how this person leaves the flower that she received from that one special person even after he leaves her.
And then when it crashes onto the floor symbolizing how the relationship is over, whether they want it to be or not.
I really enjoyed this read. Keep up the good work.
70Guy1122I really liked this poem! I love how this person leaves the flower that she received from that one special person even after he leaves her.
And then when it crashes onto the floor symbolizing how the relationship is over, whether they want it to be or not.
I really enjoyed this read. Keep up the good work.
8/21/2008 c1 Forfeit The Game
Hey, I know I owe you a review from the review game for the double review I got, sorry it took so long for me to get around to it...
I like the line "hugging my knees instead of you", it really emphasizes the loneliness and broken-hearted feeling of the poem. Believe me, I've had loves that just weren't meant to be, too. Its a good, emotional piece.
Hey, I know I owe you a review from the review game for the double review I got, sorry it took so long for me to get around to it...
I like the line "hugging my knees instead of you", it really emphasizes the loneliness and broken-hearted feeling of the poem. Believe me, I've had loves that just weren't meant to be, too. Its a good, emotional piece.
8/14/2008 c1 Ernest Bloom
Hm...I think a 9th review is really excessive, especially considering how thoughtful many of the first eight are. But I'll take a swipe at this horse in the road before traveling on. *(Puts on Devil's Advocate hat.)*
Oh come on. All this for a flower in a vase? Feels like struggling to keep my head above cloying pools of sucking honey. But that's just the content.
Stanza one: ruptured syntax. If I use end punctuation, I try hard to use proper syntax. The vase is the suject, the next phrase is a modifier, and there's no predicate. Same absence in the second line. Imbalance.
Stanza two: it. It? The flower? The vase? I tripped over the unclear antecedent. Finally decided that if you meant the flower you might have omitted "it." Or are you thinking that the vase is an object, and the flower is an object, and the water is an object, and the vaseflowerwater is itself a singular object, even when smashed into a thousand pieces? Confusing. Same issues with sutured sentence fragments here confuse things all the more. A mirror maze like the vase reflecting fractured syntax.
Crystal clear AND mixed? Swirled? Alloyed? Who gets down on the pink tile floor and cries into blisters of vasewater? A bit odd. And anyway since the flower still seems fresh enough, why's the recipient already so convinced this was "never meant to be?" Temporal curiousities, I'd say.
Aw but you know really it's just fine; it's just that there's really nothing else original to be said...ya know?
NOTE: I wrote this review cos of the confusion at The Review Game regarding who owes a reveiw to whom, and anyone reading this who doesn't know what I'm talking about might as well stop now. I don't know whether you'll ever get your deserved review, but as an uninvolved party, I thought a free review like this might help to alleviate any lingering feeling of unfair play. And I do really like "Never Meant to Be" well enough; I'd prefer you added newer stuff is all, rather then continuing to send reviewers back again and again to something from March. Just my own opinion.
Luck.
Hm...I think a 9th review is really excessive, especially considering how thoughtful many of the first eight are. But I'll take a swipe at this horse in the road before traveling on. *(Puts on Devil's Advocate hat.)*
Oh come on. All this for a flower in a vase? Feels like struggling to keep my head above cloying pools of sucking honey. But that's just the content.
Stanza one: ruptured syntax. If I use end punctuation, I try hard to use proper syntax. The vase is the suject, the next phrase is a modifier, and there's no predicate. Same absence in the second line. Imbalance.
Stanza two: it. It? The flower? The vase? I tripped over the unclear antecedent. Finally decided that if you meant the flower you might have omitted "it." Or are you thinking that the vase is an object, and the flower is an object, and the water is an object, and the vaseflowerwater is itself a singular object, even when smashed into a thousand pieces? Confusing. Same issues with sutured sentence fragments here confuse things all the more. A mirror maze like the vase reflecting fractured syntax.
Crystal clear AND mixed? Swirled? Alloyed? Who gets down on the pink tile floor and cries into blisters of vasewater? A bit odd. And anyway since the flower still seems fresh enough, why's the recipient already so convinced this was "never meant to be?" Temporal curiousities, I'd say.
Aw but you know really it's just fine; it's just that there's really nothing else original to be said...ya know?
NOTE: I wrote this review cos of the confusion at The Review Game regarding who owes a reveiw to whom, and anyone reading this who doesn't know what I'm talking about might as well stop now. I don't know whether you'll ever get your deserved review, but as an uninvolved party, I thought a free review like this might help to alleviate any lingering feeling of unfair play. And I do really like "Never Meant to Be" well enough; I'd prefer you added newer stuff is all, rather then continuing to send reviewers back again and again to something from March. Just my own opinion.
Luck.
3/27/2008 c1 scarlet stars
Review Game. Poems-Quick Fix
Wow, I can't believe you got that from an avatar. Overall, I liked it. I think the first to lines were a bit repetitive, but they still flowed well. I really like "(that held so many feelings in each petal)" that was very metaphoric. I also liked the line "hugging my knees instead of you"
Review Game. Poems-Quick Fix
Wow, I can't believe you got that from an avatar. Overall, I liked it. I think the first to lines were a bit repetitive, but they still flowed well. I really like "(that held so many feelings in each petal)" that was very metaphoric. I also liked the line "hugging my knees instead of you"
3/27/2008 c1 91fairytale failure
I like the idea of this poem - I wish I could see the picture that inspired it. You connected a lot of emotions to it, and I really liked the line 'hugging my knees instead of you' because I can picture someone doing that, as well as their thoughts at the time.
91fairytale failureI like the idea of this poem - I wish I could see the picture that inspired it. You connected a lot of emotions to it, and I really liked the line 'hugging my knees instead of you' because I can picture someone doing that, as well as their thoughts at the time.
3/10/2008 c1 10LyricsArePoetry
I love the ways you've mixed the flower with your feelings, that's a great effect!
Great poem!
10LyricsArePoetryI love the ways you've mixed the flower with your feelings, that's a great effect!
Great poem!
3/4/2008 c1 123454321
Somewhat melodramatic, but it flows beautifully.
'It no longer holds the beauty of before'- My favorite line. Such sadness in that one statement.
The last line of the second stanza and the first line of the third stanza both have the word 'water' in them and (it's probably just my neurotic tendencies) it seems repetitive.
Good job!
-J.A.
Somewhat melodramatic, but it flows beautifully.
'It no longer holds the beauty of before'- My favorite line. Such sadness in that one statement.
The last line of the second stanza and the first line of the third stanza both have the word 'water' in them and (it's probably just my neurotic tendencies) it seems repetitive.
Good job!
-J.A.
3/4/2008 c1 Fractured Illusion
Holy cow woman, you get that out of an avatar? :P We might as well pretend your imagination is normal, then.
On a more serious reviewing note:
I like the story-telling here. It sort of grows on me the more I read it. On another hand, that is also a weakness: on a first read the poem doesn't do much for me. Since I suck at poems I won't be able to give as good concrit as the poets out here (not by a long shot), but I shall try! Anyhow, I think I felt alienated from the poem because your first stanza isn't as strong as I'd like it to be. The two last lines in it feel like an unnecessary repetition that doesn't do much for me.
You used punctuation, and I like that :P Also goes well with the story like feel I am getting from it (intended or not). But your capitalization is a bit off. Shouldn't "Flies to the floor" be with a normal "f"? "flies to the floor", because "with" was like that, and it is still the same sentence. And on the same note, why is "The tall glass" capitalized, when "with a simple" is not, despite both coming after a ";"?
That was the grammar. Haha, I am not even sure of the rules of grammar myself so take it with a grain of salt, mmkay?
"(that held so many feelings in each petal)"
pretty line :3 It was really imaginative, and I like that. I am also a metaphor freak, haha.
Keep it up! :D
- Frac
Holy cow woman, you get that out of an avatar? :P We might as well pretend your imagination is normal, then.
On a more serious reviewing note:
I like the story-telling here. It sort of grows on me the more I read it. On another hand, that is also a weakness: on a first read the poem doesn't do much for me. Since I suck at poems I won't be able to give as good concrit as the poets out here (not by a long shot), but I shall try! Anyhow, I think I felt alienated from the poem because your first stanza isn't as strong as I'd like it to be. The two last lines in it feel like an unnecessary repetition that doesn't do much for me.
You used punctuation, and I like that :P Also goes well with the story like feel I am getting from it (intended or not). But your capitalization is a bit off. Shouldn't "Flies to the floor" be with a normal "f"? "flies to the floor", because "with" was like that, and it is still the same sentence. And on the same note, why is "The tall glass" capitalized, when "with a simple" is not, despite both coming after a ";"?
That was the grammar. Haha, I am not even sure of the rules of grammar myself so take it with a grain of salt, mmkay?
"(that held so many feelings in each petal)"
pretty line :3 It was really imaginative, and I like that. I am also a metaphor freak, haha.
Keep it up! :D
- Frac
3/4/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I like using the vase as a symbol of the love.. a flower is a bit cliche but you really switched if up with the vase
Now a few comments...
-"the only flower you gave to me,/the first flower I received from you." the first and only making into two lines seems repetitive although I like received from better than gave to for some reason
-"with a simple gesture, that simple flower" I love simple gesture, but repeating simple seemed repetitive as well
-(that held so many feelings in each petal).. love that line
-Flies to the floor;.. files seems an odd choice of words
-The other thing with those few lines seem to through off the flow with short and then really long and then short again
-You go from a water everywhere to a few droplets of water... maybe a few of the water droplets would make more sense
-(crystal clear, mixed with my tears)... love that line as well
-I also like how you use pink (im guessing inspired by Frac's pink flower).. it's a nice specific
-I look at the fallen flower sadly.. sadly? I feel like that's such a blah word...
-the word slumps is a really great choice
-Hugging my knees instead of you…... really great contrast
Anyhow it's a really great piece especially if you only wrote it in three minutes!
612simpleplan13I like using the vase as a symbol of the love.. a flower is a bit cliche but you really switched if up with the vase
Now a few comments...
-"the only flower you gave to me,/the first flower I received from you." the first and only making into two lines seems repetitive although I like received from better than gave to for some reason
-"with a simple gesture, that simple flower" I love simple gesture, but repeating simple seemed repetitive as well
-(that held so many feelings in each petal).. love that line
-Flies to the floor;.. files seems an odd choice of words
-The other thing with those few lines seem to through off the flow with short and then really long and then short again
-You go from a water everywhere to a few droplets of water... maybe a few of the water droplets would make more sense
-(crystal clear, mixed with my tears)... love that line as well
-I also like how you use pink (im guessing inspired by Frac's pink flower).. it's a nice specific
-I look at the fallen flower sadly.. sadly? I feel like that's such a blah word...
-the word slumps is a really great choice
-Hugging my knees instead of you…... really great contrast
Anyhow it's a really great piece especially if you only wrote it in three minutes!