for The Truth of It All6/28/2009 c1 
5CuriousContradiction
I actually like this poem better than your other poem "Never Meant To Be." I agree with what some of the other reviewers have said; this one has really good (sorry, my adjectives are horrible) flow. No offense, and I really mean no offense- but the other poem was a tad more cliche than this one. This one is simple, but less is more sometimes because you've left the reader enough detail to have a vague outline in their head but you also provide enough room for imagination (ex. the picture of the oak trees. I liked that a lot).
You also aren't overly flowery and symbolic with your poem because your descriptions and imagery is more than enough, especially in the second stanza.
And I completely agree with you about how every truth has a bit of a lie in it. It's a very interesting thought.
Thank you for sharing your work!
5CuriousContradictionI actually like this poem better than your other poem "Never Meant To Be." I agree with what some of the other reviewers have said; this one has really good (sorry, my adjectives are horrible) flow. No offense, and I really mean no offense- but the other poem was a tad more cliche than this one. This one is simple, but less is more sometimes because you've left the reader enough detail to have a vague outline in their head but you also provide enough room for imagination (ex. the picture of the oak trees. I liked that a lot).
You also aren't overly flowery and symbolic with your poem because your descriptions and imagery is more than enough, especially in the second stanza.
And I completely agree with you about how every truth has a bit of a lie in it. It's a very interesting thought.
Thank you for sharing your work!
2/15/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
Imagery/Description
[When you bid me goodbye,
inching backwards,
you hide your hands from me;
All the while, grinning gently.]
That was some nice imagery there.
Flow
It flowed well. I usually tend to read poems out loud, and it slid off the tongue nicely. I almost had to check to see if there was a rhyming scheme since the words fit well and corresponded to each other, but apparently there wasn't.
Form/Structure
Ooh, just noticed how you said [Cross my heart, hope to die.] then [You crossed your fingers, and told a lie.] Nice show of contrast.
Imagery/Description
[When you bid me goodbye,
inching backwards,
you hide your hands from me;
All the while, grinning gently.]
That was some nice imagery there.
Flow
It flowed well. I usually tend to read poems out loud, and it slid off the tongue nicely. I almost had to check to see if there was a rhyming scheme since the words fit well and corresponded to each other, but apparently there wasn't.
Form/Structure
Ooh, just noticed how you said [Cross my heart, hope to die.] then [You crossed your fingers, and told a lie.] Nice show of contrast.
1/3/2009 c1 Left FP
~This is for the freebie in the Review Game Forum!
This is an extremely perfect piece of poetry. One of the best inspired works that I have ever come across...
Reading your poem, one quote sort of began playing in mind. It goes some what like this - "Here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. And so, we lie."
I found the way you have presented your work to be very original.
Hope this review helped...may be you can increase a bit more? Because I could see some underlying meaning through the poem. I guess that was the point, wasn't it? Look hard enough at the lie and you will get to see the truth!
Keep up the good work!
Feel free to check out my account anytime you want!
And contradicting your profile statements of saying you cannot call yourself a poet, just call yourself a budding poet! ;)
~This is for the freebie in the Review Game Forum!
This is an extremely perfect piece of poetry. One of the best inspired works that I have ever come across...
Reading your poem, one quote sort of began playing in mind. It goes some what like this - "Here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. And so, we lie."
I found the way you have presented your work to be very original.
Hope this review helped...may be you can increase a bit more? Because I could see some underlying meaning through the poem. I guess that was the point, wasn't it? Look hard enough at the lie and you will get to see the truth!
Keep up the good work!
Feel free to check out my account anytime you want!
And contradicting your profile statements of saying you cannot call yourself a poet, just call yourself a budding poet! ;)
10/3/2008 c1 13Peace Revolution
i really loved how you linked the first lines with the last lines. this also had amazing flow.
and i just recently read the essay of Woolf's your talking about in the Author's Note.
13Peace Revolutioni really loved how you linked the first lines with the last lines. this also had amazing flow.
and i just recently read the essay of Woolf's your talking about in the Author's Note.
10/1/2008 c1 173Little girl Big world
amazing! i loved the wordplay thing. it gave the whole feel of those words "cross my heart, hope to die" a really different meaning. this poem is sweet but also sad. I really liked it.
great job!
173Little girl Big worldamazing! i loved the wordplay thing. it gave the whole feel of those words "cross my heart, hope to die" a really different meaning. this poem is sweet but also sad. I really liked it.
great job!
8/26/2008 c1 Isca
"You crossed your fingers." That pulled the whole thing together. Good angst and imagery!
~Isca
"You crossed your fingers." That pulled the whole thing together. Good angst and imagery!
~Isca
7/20/2008 c1 5groovi-gal-numba1
hey i really liked this!
it made me laugh that you got the idea from frac's MANY avatars - its so true isn't it?
I liked the use of the stereotypically childish saying "cross my heart hope to die". you put it in a different context which gave it a very different feeling for me.
THe whole story is a beautifully delivered metaphor. Very clever actually!
well done! xoxox
5groovi-gal-numba1hey i really liked this!
it made me laugh that you got the idea from frac's MANY avatars - its so true isn't it?
I liked the use of the stereotypically childish saying "cross my heart hope to die". you put it in a different context which gave it a very different feeling for me.
THe whole story is a beautifully delivered metaphor. Very clever actually!
well done! xoxox
3/27/2008 c1 146Sexy Vampirechick
Really sweet!I love this poem.I like how you used the little saying we use to say(well,I used to say) when we were little kids.
I don't know if you did it on purpose,but at the end of your poem,there's a unfinished heart.Like you might have given all your heart(truth) to this person,but within that ...there's still something missing.Very nice!
What also is so great about this poem is at the end,you edited the saying that was at the beginning.I really enjoyed this one!
146Sexy VampirechickReally sweet!I love this poem.I like how you used the little saying we use to say(well,I used to say) when we were little kids.
I don't know if you did it on purpose,but at the end of your poem,there's a unfinished heart.Like you might have given all your heart(truth) to this person,but within that ...there's still something missing.Very nice!
What also is so great about this poem is at the end,you edited the saying that was at the beginning.I really enjoyed this one!
3/22/2008 c1 Vanilla Tea
Wow, I really like this poem, I didn't think it was weak at all. I think some lines should be split in two, instead of separated with a comma. Like "But one day, when you walk away," then you could possibly split the next line into "The truth of it all/unfolds before my eyes," but thats just a suggestion... I also think "Those words of love, those confessions" could be divided.
Overall nice job though, Lime! lol
-SB
And nice job on guessing Rover's name. heh. Thought it'd be harder than Snoopy...
Wow, I really like this poem, I didn't think it was weak at all. I think some lines should be split in two, instead of separated with a comma. Like "But one day, when you walk away," then you could possibly split the next line into "The truth of it all/unfolds before my eyes," but thats just a suggestion... I also think "Those words of love, those confessions" could be divided.
Overall nice job though, Lime! lol
-SB
And nice job on guessing Rover's name. heh. Thought it'd be harder than Snoopy...
3/20/2008 c1 6concerto49
Yay! Time to review.
It's rather interesting - like "Behind every truth, there is a lie." - I guess it's very perspective and you've managed to pull out some strong views. It's your perception, so I won't comment on how you should view the world. It's good that you have your points clear though.
It's a little weak at the start though. The end bits were much stronger. Like it's not as emotional until towards the end.
6concerto49Yay! Time to review.
It's rather interesting - like "Behind every truth, there is a lie." - I guess it's very perspective and you've managed to pull out some strong views. It's your perception, so I won't comment on how you should view the world. It's good that you have your points clear though.
It's a little weak at the start though. The end bits were much stronger. Like it's not as emotional until towards the end.
3/5/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
Every day,... everyday
Line 3 & 4... from really long to really short I wasnt a big fan of
I like "inching backwards" that was a nice phrase... I like the alliteration of grinning gently, but I'm not a big fan of the actual phrase... I dunno it just seems odd
"I see the truth of it all" That phrase was... eh... maybe upgrade the world see or something
The next stanza just confused me... the things that never change.. are those the words and confessions or the behind the lie...
I like how you play on crossing fingers and the crossing your heart... that was really nice.. I also like how reading the ending you realize why he hid his hands... that was nice as well
612simpleplan13Every day,... everyday
Line 3 & 4... from really long to really short I wasnt a big fan of
I like "inching backwards" that was a nice phrase... I like the alliteration of grinning gently, but I'm not a big fan of the actual phrase... I dunno it just seems odd
"I see the truth of it all" That phrase was... eh... maybe upgrade the world see or something
The next stanza just confused me... the things that never change.. are those the words and confessions or the behind the lie...
I like how you play on crossing fingers and the crossing your heart... that was really nice.. I also like how reading the ending you realize why he hid his hands... that was nice as well
3/5/2008 c1 Fractured Illusion
Well, I know you didn't like this as much as the previous one, but I disagree.
This one had a better flow and I liked the wordplay a lot, what with the way you twisted the old saying in the last stanza :D It would be delivered a lot better if the word "lie" hadn't been there at the second to last stanza. It just got a bit repetitive in a bad way, there.
Anyhow, I will now go by it stanza by stanza, because I want to try new methods to concrit poetry and see which is best. So here we go:
1st - I think this was an effective way to draw the reader (at least little moi) in. Old sayings really do have a charm :3 (though this is not a fail-safe formula! But it worked here, that's all I am saying)
2nd - Very nice; the above stanza is now given context and reason for the italics. This also has a nice flow, it's smooth (aka; when I read it in my head, it doesn't come off as weird or choppy)
3rd - I am not so quite sure about the "maniacally" because it somehow doesn't fit to me. This is where the betrayal starts to become apparent, but I don't really feelt particularly about this part. Also, why does he cross his fingers when he says "goodbye"? Shouldn't he do that when he promises?
4th - I don't really have anything to say about this... Except that it moves the plot forward so to speak, I am indifferent to it.
5th - Question: Shouldn't it be "those confessions"? Since in the start you said he said in every day?
6th - nice :)
7th - awesome :P Very nicely twisted as I said before.
Now you may feel: Aw crap my stanzas aren't all super powerful mesmerizing blasts of word-bombs! But it's okay, Lime, because they set up the final blast (last stanza and conclusion) nicely. :)
I liked it.
- Frac
Well, I know you didn't like this as much as the previous one, but I disagree.
This one had a better flow and I liked the wordplay a lot, what with the way you twisted the old saying in the last stanza :D It would be delivered a lot better if the word "lie" hadn't been there at the second to last stanza. It just got a bit repetitive in a bad way, there.
Anyhow, I will now go by it stanza by stanza, because I want to try new methods to concrit poetry and see which is best. So here we go:
1st - I think this was an effective way to draw the reader (at least little moi) in. Old sayings really do have a charm :3 (though this is not a fail-safe formula! But it worked here, that's all I am saying)
2nd - Very nice; the above stanza is now given context and reason for the italics. This also has a nice flow, it's smooth (aka; when I read it in my head, it doesn't come off as weird or choppy)
3rd - I am not so quite sure about the "maniacally" because it somehow doesn't fit to me. This is where the betrayal starts to become apparent, but I don't really feelt particularly about this part. Also, why does he cross his fingers when he says "goodbye"? Shouldn't he do that when he promises?
4th - I don't really have anything to say about this... Except that it moves the plot forward so to speak, I am indifferent to it.
5th - Question: Shouldn't it be "those confessions"? Since in the start you said he said in every day?
6th - nice :)
7th - awesome :P Very nicely twisted as I said before.
Now you may feel: Aw crap my stanzas aren't all super powerful mesmerizing blasts of word-bombs! But it's okay, Lime, because they set up the final blast (last stanza and conclusion) nicely. :)
I liked it.
- Frac