for Temperature Change5/26/2010 c1 
24a certain slant of light
Love the metaphors in this. "the ice coffin you carved" is particularly nice.
24a certain slant of lightLove the metaphors in this. "the ice coffin you carved" is particularly nice.
4/25/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
Oh hey. I remember the first stanza from your "Unfinished" collection.
I liked the first haiku because you're using the sense of touch, which isn't used nearly enough, and it also lays out the background that would contrast with the second haiku. I liked how the second haiku had a contrast within itself, ice and fire, the old cliche. I liked this piece because of the imagery in both parts.
- Review Marathon, link in profile.
Oh hey. I remember the first stanza from your "Unfinished" collection.
I liked the first haiku because you're using the sense of touch, which isn't used nearly enough, and it also lays out the background that would contrast with the second haiku. I liked how the second haiku had a contrast within itself, ice and fire, the old cliche. I liked this piece because of the imagery in both parts.
- Review Marathon, link in profile.
4/16/2009 c1 21Patrick-Henry
Wow. First of all, a vivid image. It's impressive- I don't know how, but from those six lines, I have a whole picture that tells the story of two lives.
I liked especially how it is, on a basic level, strictly weather...it made me think twice, and then again, about what you were saying.
The reverse haiku- I didn't catch it at first, but it's a very creative idea. The idea of extra syllables makes the ending heavier, darker...
Impressive.
21Patrick-HenryWow. First of all, a vivid image. It's impressive- I don't know how, but from those six lines, I have a whole picture that tells the story of two lives.
I liked especially how it is, on a basic level, strictly weather...it made me think twice, and then again, about what you were saying.
The reverse haiku- I didn't catch it at first, but it's a very creative idea. The idea of extra syllables makes the ending heavier, darker...
Impressive.
3/15/2009 c1 1crazyman12
Wow, i loved this. The reversed Haiku idea was very creative. I especially liked the last line, "In this ice coffin you carved". Wonderful! Your contrast between hot and cold was very affective.
~Habs :)
1crazyman12Wow, i loved this. The reversed Haiku idea was very creative. I especially liked the last line, "In this ice coffin you carved". Wonderful! Your contrast between hot and cold was very affective.
~Habs :)
10/29/2008 c1 6YouOweMeASoda
Oh... I like the contrast used in this. Gives a great image and feeling of the difference of what happened to the speaker before and after.
6YouOweMeASodaOh... I like the contrast used in this. Gives a great image and feeling of the difference of what happened to the speaker before and after.
10/4/2008 c1 1FirstBloom13
RM review no. 2.
O! I've never seen a reverse haiku before. I really enjoyed the haiku-reverse haiku format of the piece, because I think that it refreshed the sometimes overly romaniticized haiku format.
What I didn't like is the theme of the reverse haiku- if you were frozen, wouldn't you want to be melted out of it by fire? that part just didn't make sense to me.
great job!
1FirstBloom13RM review no. 2.
O! I've never seen a reverse haiku before. I really enjoyed the haiku-reverse haiku format of the piece, because I think that it refreshed the sometimes overly romaniticized haiku format.
What I didn't like is the theme of the reverse haiku- if you were frozen, wouldn't you want to be melted out of it by fire? that part just didn't make sense to me.
great job!
9/28/2008 c1 52fallingquietly
I love the initial line of each stanza, they work well together.
I'm not sure about metaphor one, but I like the 'ice coffin' and 'fiery gust'. I'm wondering if it can be simplified even more?
52fallingquietlyI love the initial line of each stanza, they work well together.
I'm not sure about metaphor one, but I like the 'ice coffin' and 'fiery gust'. I'm wondering if it can be simplified even more?
9/23/2008 c1 Counting Petals
Hello, RM winner! Here's your first prize review. =)
I love the imagery here because it's original. I especially love the "ice coffin" metaphor because it fits really well with the "fiery gust" in the first line of the stanza.
Hello, RM winner! Here's your first prize review. =)
I love the imagery here because it's original. I especially love the "ice coffin" metaphor because it fits really well with the "fiery gust" in the first line of the stanza.
8/5/2008 c1 31CeruleanStarGlow
I loved how you reversed the mood, and the sylable patterns in the two stanza's. I liked the second stanza better. The last line is really beautiful and meaningful
31CeruleanStarGlowI loved how you reversed the mood, and the sylable patterns in the two stanza's. I liked the second stanza better. The last line is really beautiful and meaningful
7/3/2008 c1 332smile for the sunshine
i kind of like this although i'm not really one for haikus. they are a little too short for me. if it were me i'd make it longer but it's still nice. :]
332smile for the sunshinei kind of like this although i'm not really one for haikus. they are a little too short for me. if it were me i'd make it longer but it's still nice. :]
7/1/2008 c1 The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon
I loved the imagery and just the idea in general. I also really liked the action verbs you used (caressing; scorching). I'm not quite sure what the "ice coffin" was, but hey, most things authors say come way out of left feild! It might be a more apparant temperature change if "fresh" was changed to "cool".
But then here is something else, if I didn't have the sub-categories telling me that this was about hurt, I wouldn't be quite sure if the change was for the better or the worse. Or, in other words, if the couple had grown together or apart. I also like the close-ness that comes from simple uses the phases "my face" and "my body", it reinforces the romantic nature of these haiku.
But keep in mind that I am only one reviewer and you have obviously gotten a lot of attention for your poems because of your talent, so um ... run with that! I hope you conintue to work with your gift!
Write on!
Pen.Dragon
I loved the imagery and just the idea in general. I also really liked the action verbs you used (caressing; scorching). I'm not quite sure what the "ice coffin" was, but hey, most things authors say come way out of left feild! It might be a more apparant temperature change if "fresh" was changed to "cool".
But then here is something else, if I didn't have the sub-categories telling me that this was about hurt, I wouldn't be quite sure if the change was for the better or the worse. Or, in other words, if the couple had grown together or apart. I also like the close-ness that comes from simple uses the phases "my face" and "my body", it reinforces the romantic nature of these haiku.
But keep in mind that I am only one reviewer and you have obviously gotten a lot of attention for your poems because of your talent, so um ... run with that! I hope you conintue to work with your gift!
Write on!
Pen.Dragon
6/16/2008 c1 35the fallen loyal one
its a good poem but i dont get last line of the first stanza and the last line of the second stanza how does it fit with the others
35the fallen loyal oneits a good poem but i dont get last line of the first stanza and the last line of the second stanza how does it fit with the others
6/2/2008 c1 12BlackestOpal
Aw, this is beautiful.
I love the reverse, it worked really well.
The last line was particularly fantastic.
12BlackestOpalAw, this is beautiful.
I love the reverse, it worked really well.
The last line was particularly fantastic.
6/1/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Congratulations almighty RM winner! Here is the first of your prize reviews.
This is a very beautiful haiku/reverse haiku, one of the best I've found on this site. I love how you have very contrasting descriptions. The metaphors switching from hot to cold really help the contrasting meaning. I had to reread this before I really got what you were trying to say. I like that. It's amazing that you can fit so much imagery and meaning into so few words. Amazing job!
2dragonflydreamerCongratulations almighty RM winner! Here is the first of your prize reviews.
This is a very beautiful haiku/reverse haiku, one of the best I've found on this site. I love how you have very contrasting descriptions. The metaphors switching from hot to cold really help the contrasting meaning. I had to reread this before I really got what you were trying to say. I like that. It's amazing that you can fit so much imagery and meaning into so few words. Amazing job!