Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Temperature Change

5/26/2010 c1 24a certain slant of light
Love the metaphors in this. "the ice coffin you carved" is particularly nice.
4/25/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
Oh hey. I remember the first stanza from your "Unfinished" collection.

I liked the first haiku because you're using the sense of touch, which isn't used nearly enough, and it also lays out the background that would contrast with the second haiku. I liked how the second haiku had a contrast within itself, ice and fire, the old cliche. I liked this piece because of the imagery in both parts.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.
4/16/2009 c1 21Patrick-Henry
Wow. First of all, a vivid image. It's impressive- I don't know how, but from those six lines, I have a whole picture that tells the story of two lives.

I liked especially how it is, on a basic level, strictly weather...it made me think twice, and then again, about what you were saying.

The reverse haiku- I didn't catch it at first, but it's a very creative idea. The idea of extra syllables makes the ending heavier, darker...

Impressive.
3/15/2009 c1 1crazyman12
Wow, i loved this. The reversed Haiku idea was very creative. I especially liked the last line, "In this ice coffin you carved". Wonderful! Your contrast between hot and cold was very affective.

~Habs :)
10/29/2008 c1 6YouOweMeASoda
Oh... I like the contrast used in this. Gives a great image and feeling of the difference of what happened to the speaker before and after.
10/4/2008 c1 1FirstBloom13
RM review no. 2.

O! I've never seen a reverse haiku before. I really enjoyed the haiku-reverse haiku format of the piece, because I think that it refreshed the sometimes overly romaniticized haiku format.

What I didn't like is the theme of the reverse haiku- if you were frozen, wouldn't you want to be melted out of it by fire? that part just didn't make sense to me.

great job!
9/28/2008 c1 52fallingquietly
I love the initial line of each stanza, they work well together.

I'm not sure about metaphor one, but I like the 'ice coffin' and 'fiery gust'. I'm wondering if it can be simplified even more?
9/23/2008 c1 Counting Petals
Hello, RM winner! Here's your first prize review. =)

I love the imagery here because it's original. I especially love the "ice coffin" metaphor because it fits really well with the "fiery gust" in the first line of the stanza.
8/5/2008 c1 31CeruleanStarGlow
I loved how you reversed the mood, and the sylable patterns in the two stanza's. I liked the second stanza better. The last line is really beautiful and meaningful
7/3/2008 c1 332smile for the sunshine
i kind of like this although i'm not really one for haikus. they are a little too short for me. if it were me i'd make it longer but it's still nice. :]
7/2/2008 c1 4Iccle Fairy
great contrasting imagery
7/1/2008 c1 The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon
I loved the imagery and just the idea in general. I also really liked the action verbs you used (caressing; scorching). I'm not quite sure what the "ice coffin" was, but hey, most things authors say come way out of left feild! It might be a more apparant temperature change if "fresh" was changed to "cool".

But then here is something else, if I didn't have the sub-categories telling me that this was about hurt, I wouldn't be quite sure if the change was for the better or the worse. Or, in other words, if the couple had grown together or apart. I also like the close-ness that comes from simple uses the phases "my face" and "my body", it reinforces the romantic nature of these haiku.

But keep in mind that I am only one reviewer and you have obviously gotten a lot of attention for your poems because of your talent, so um ... run with that! I hope you conintue to work with your gift!

Write on!

Pen.Dragon
6/16/2008 c1 35the fallen loyal one
its a good poem but i dont get last line of the first stanza and the last line of the second stanza how does it fit with the others
6/2/2008 c1 12BlackestOpal
Aw, this is beautiful.

I love the reverse, it worked really well.

The last line was particularly fantastic.
6/1/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Congratulations almighty RM winner! Here is the first of your prize reviews.

This is a very beautiful haiku/reverse haiku, one of the best I've found on this site. I love how you have very contrasting descriptions. The metaphors switching from hot to cold really help the contrasting meaning. I had to reread this before I really got what you were trying to say. I like that. It's amazing that you can fit so much imagery and meaning into so few words. Amazing job!
56 Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service