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for Monynocs

3/3/2010 c1 3Bloodyren
This story is really good. However some parts were not necessary or it lacked a little. I still enjoyed it very much.
4/1/2008 c1 11Distilledfx
This story is really cool, I could picture it being told around a campfire or something. While I think that the story peaked too early (the scene in the tower where Michael falls is the most climactic I think) and struggled to keep the intensity up afterwards. Your writing was good and descriptions were in all the right places. Good psychological horror can't be beat, but some of the things about the characters didn't ring true.

The Aunt (specifically) didn't once think that the boy was simply down because he suspects his parents are going to split up, and she should probably have been more insistent on him eating. It seems you missed out a section where Monynocs really pisses the Aunt off (the line "You can go now" was pretty bad, but she seemed to hate pretty quickly).

After this, it's pretty plain (to me) that it isn't Michael at all, that he is Monynocs and so Michael must have fallen in the tower. In the final scene where they find Michael in the harvester thing, there is one bit that seems redundant.

"Damn! You're right, Elisabeth. This is your nephew!" He looked at her quizzically, brushing dust from the boy's hair.

This part doesn't seem necessary. Good story, I enjoyed reading it. The suspense of knowing that Monynocs was in Michaels place after the accident worked well, even if that wasn't what you were going for.
3/26/2008 c1 4ravenurse
A truly fantastic creepy story, I really enjoy your writing and stories.
3/23/2008 c1 2ChaseMichael

I May have thought that my stories were good, but your stories should be published and sold!

I enjoyed the ending...It was a bit foggy (as it should be) up until I swa the "Jesus!" remark. Then i knew. Very good job. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story.
3/10/2008 c1 1No Longer An Account
Excellent story; very well-written, and very scary.
3/7/2008 c1 18Rose Valentine
I love the eerie-ness!
3/7/2008 c1 7Windryder1
I wrote a huge review for "the Letter," but my connection ate it. I'll write a better one when I'm not so tired.

As for this one, I remember reading this in Jeff's house with all of you guys sitting on the floor like children listening to the story. It still scares me. You have the ability to strike fear into the hearts of your readers. The awsome aspect is that it's not gory. It's psychological. Those are the only horror stories I like.

I loved how you ended it with the top spinning on the floor. It left me thinking, "Holy crap!" The degredation of the character through the whole story is expertly done.

I can find no negative critisism. (I know that's spelled wrong. You're the English teacher. Not me.)

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