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3/8/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
I feel a empty pang...an

I sit alone and wept.. not only is weep the right tense but it also rhymes better

That I can’t even feel my thoughts... you dont feel thoughts really

I like this piece.. it's sad and well done.. I love the part about the December snow.. a few things though... I cant figure out the rhyming scheme here at all... and one line Cutting is not ok just struck me as not so great... not ok doesnt really seem powerful enough to me and it seems kinda like you picked it just to rhyme with say...

But other than that it was a really nice piece

PS If your bored check out the Review Game and its Review Marathon (links in my profile)

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