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6/28/2009 c2 7AlysonSkye
I think its really good, but the sentences are too long. The fourth sentence in the third paragraph says 'and' five times. I understand that Rith is little and says everything she wants to say into one sentence, but make sure to go back to more naturally lenghted sentences when she's done talking.
3/10/2008 c2 Pierce Dorian
It's pretty good, except at some parts with Rith you have places where there should be commas, or maybe it's just her speaking fast. Anyway, good job

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