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for I Need A Second Chance

6/11/2008 c1 snowdance

I really like your poem-it was cute! It flowed well and the stanzas were good. I liked how you put little x's as stanza brakes, it was different. I liked the poem because it was sweet and it really connected to me. The second line of each stanza modifying the first was a little repetive-in a good way. It felt like you were emphasizing these points, like you needed the adressee to know these things. Overall: two thumbs up!
5/31/2008 c1 dorkiee
I loved the idea of it, about needing a second chance. It's nice how you added the I'm not experienced part. I would suggest to take off the 'I'll catch on I swear' because repeating it makes it...I don't know. I just think it would be better without it.
4/17/2008 c1 54iloveanimecartoons
The vulnerablility, honesty and naiveté expressed in these lines are so hallmark of first crushes, first love, the ever-evolving world of boys and girls and budding maturity. It was really heartfelt and open and I honestly loved it. Really, I did. Nice piece.
3/18/2008 c1 scarlet stars
Review game :)

So, you have great potential for your poem, *but* there are some areas that need work on. For one, this isn't very original. Nice idea, but I have read just about 100 other poems about this same subject. Add something unique which will make it your own. Also, if you can, change the area that separates your stanzas.

Flow wise (that sounds funny but o well) your poem is pretty good. None of the lines are way out there (that's a good thing!)

Word choice...Rephrase "my first hand hold"...I don't know what it is about the phrase lol.

You express universal emotions, but (I think I said this before) not in your own unique way. The poem does not give us much imagery.

Go in detail about why you want and deserve the second chance...tell the reader what happened to the "first chance".

BUT, you have a great start. Is this poem true? If so, I am experiencing the same thing. My fav part was definitely "I'll catch on I promise,/I'll catch on I swear"

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