for Tell Me I'm a Bad Man7/11/2008 c1 
57empathic life
Felicia, dearest... As beautifully twisted as this is, I'm a bit concerned... That's two similarly themed poems in a row. Very unusual for you. :P
Anyway. Definitely liking this one, too. Intriguing rhythm and rhyme to it... Love how it seems like an entirely natural thought process, even with the rhyming... It sounds so realistic. I do love it, though. Gorgeously disturbing.
Again, sorry for the lateness. Similar story as for the last poem. ^^
57empathic lifeFelicia, dearest... As beautifully twisted as this is, I'm a bit concerned... That's two similarly themed poems in a row. Very unusual for you. :P
Anyway. Definitely liking this one, too. Intriguing rhythm and rhyme to it... Love how it seems like an entirely natural thought process, even with the rhyming... It sounds so realistic. I do love it, though. Gorgeously disturbing.
Again, sorry for the lateness. Similar story as for the last poem. ^^
5/12/2008 c1 879Moondog Dozier
Excellent audibility and progression of sound. It has that song spin quality that it sounds like you were going for. The perspective works well, as it stays consistent in tone and pace throughout. The universal theme guides the reader in, and opens it up to the specific situation, and the players in it. The character detachment works well, no names or identifiable settings makes this an "everywhere" viewpoint that you wouldn't have gotten if it was detailed in that way with qualifying specifics. Very well written. It has a catchy progression to it with the word spins, and subtle sound work. MD:77.
879Moondog DozierExcellent audibility and progression of sound. It has that song spin quality that it sounds like you were going for. The perspective works well, as it stays consistent in tone and pace throughout. The universal theme guides the reader in, and opens it up to the specific situation, and the players in it. The character detachment works well, no names or identifiable settings makes this an "everywhere" viewpoint that you wouldn't have gotten if it was detailed in that way with qualifying specifics. Very well written. It has a catchy progression to it with the word spins, and subtle sound work. MD:77.
5/11/2008 c1 136Elliptical Shapes
Not so sure about the last two stanzas here Baxter; they seem less psychotic than the rest of the work, which softens the ending into a thoughtful muse rather than a "cold steel" stab of an ending.
Also, your second line in the first stanza is wrong, you'll know why if you read it, bad syntax mistakes and stuff :(
Me likes the concept here though, and most of it, with the exception of the bits i've whined about already was wonderfully graphic, I could see it, nice.
Ange
136Elliptical ShapesNot so sure about the last two stanzas here Baxter; they seem less psychotic than the rest of the work, which softens the ending into a thoughtful muse rather than a "cold steel" stab of an ending.
Also, your second line in the first stanza is wrong, you'll know why if you read it, bad syntax mistakes and stuff :(
Me likes the concept here though, and most of it, with the exception of the bits i've whined about already was wonderfully graphic, I could see it, nice.
Ange
3/21/2008 c1 1Spirit Tigress
I'm back...
I should have read this a little later, but I'm awake now. That's my fault. I like the violence, but there is really nothing else I can say...
1Spirit TigressI'm back...
I should have read this a little later, but I'm awake now. That's my fault. I like the violence, but there is really nothing else I can say...
3/20/2008 c1 33WyrdWolf
Well, this was certainly creepy. See what MCR does? ^^ Certainly a disturbing piece-the flesh-crawling kind-and vivid in its images. Well-written even if it's...er...yucky(?).
Wolfie
33WyrdWolfWell, this was certainly creepy. See what MCR does? ^^ Certainly a disturbing piece-the flesh-crawling kind-and vivid in its images. Well-written even if it's...er...yucky(?).
Wolfie
3/19/2008 c1 22Charrbin
Quite masochistic. So is this part of a deeper fantasy you don't want to admit?
22CharrbinQuite masochistic. So is this part of a deeper fantasy you don't want to admit?
3/18/2008 c1 24YK Author
I've always thought that if you're going to write sadism, might as well do it right. And wow, did you do it right.
Reading your poem creeped me out. The imagery is intense, and the way you developed the speaker's mentality made him seem like a real person- not just some persona you felt like impersonating.
Truly great poem.
24YK AuthorI've always thought that if you're going to write sadism, might as well do it right. And wow, did you do it right.
Reading your poem creeped me out. The imagery is intense, and the way you developed the speaker's mentality made him seem like a real person- not just some persona you felt like impersonating.
Truly great poem.