for Those Three Roses6/4/2008 c1 
1artificial destiny
i loved it! it made me alittle nostalgic and sad at the same time.
the 'blood red rose' reminded me of beauty and the beast.
i wonder why you chose to end it like that?
why end on a personal/self thought? the entire story had been centered on terry. perhaps you wanted to show a subconscious thought surfacing? the real root of his problems?
anyways, great writing
1artificial destinyi loved it! it made me alittle nostalgic and sad at the same time.
the 'blood red rose' reminded me of beauty and the beast.
i wonder why you chose to end it like that?
why end on a personal/self thought? the entire story had been centered on terry. perhaps you wanted to show a subconscious thought surfacing? the real root of his problems?
anyways, great writing
5/8/2008 c1 4AnyMousse
Liked the story; thought the flashbacks were actually pretty good. About the ending...I know you said it was weak, which I agree with, but may I offer a suggestion for an ending? You mention that it would be a couple of years until he meets Terry up in heaven. Instead of focusing on who would mourn him (the narrator), why not tie in the idea of the rose and him joining Terry in heaven? You could say something like he would join terry in heaven, where the roses would be beautiful, or she would outshine the heavenly roses. Something like that maybe? Just a thought. Otherwise, very good.
4AnyMousseLiked the story; thought the flashbacks were actually pretty good. About the ending...I know you said it was weak, which I agree with, but may I offer a suggestion for an ending? You mention that it would be a couple of years until he meets Terry up in heaven. Instead of focusing on who would mourn him (the narrator), why not tie in the idea of the rose and him joining Terry in heaven? You could say something like he would join terry in heaven, where the roses would be beautiful, or she would outshine the heavenly roses. Something like that maybe? Just a thought. Otherwise, very good.
4/25/2008 c1 persephone jones
The story is gorgeous! The flashbacks aren't annoying to me, to be honest. I think the story is really well structured and all that jazz. well done!
The story is gorgeous! The flashbacks aren't annoying to me, to be honest. I think the story is really well structured and all that jazz. well done!
4/24/2008 c1 20Twilight Starr
Cute story. It was beautiful. Nice work. Good luck with writing, this story, and life.
Thanks for the reviews of "My Sweet".
Have a fantastic day.
~Twilight Starr~
20Twilight StarrCute story. It was beautiful. Nice work. Good luck with writing, this story, and life.
Thanks for the reviews of "My Sweet".
Have a fantastic day.
~Twilight Starr~
4/22/2008 c1 2N.J Robinson
I really like this story. The tone and voice of the character is really impressive. He reminds me of my own grandfather. The flashbacks could be transitioned a little better, but they are far from being annoying. And yes, the ending is a little abrupt and falters where the rest of the story flourishes, but that can easily be fixed. Maybe instead of saying that everyone left (which baffles me, because who in their right mind would leave an old man to grieve in the rain alone), try saying that a grandchild or some relative pulled him out of his memories and toward a waiting car...or something. Just a suggestion. I like it either way though, you are a wonderful writer. Keep it up.
2N.J RobinsonI really like this story. The tone and voice of the character is really impressive. He reminds me of my own grandfather. The flashbacks could be transitioned a little better, but they are far from being annoying. And yes, the ending is a little abrupt and falters where the rest of the story flourishes, but that can easily be fixed. Maybe instead of saying that everyone left (which baffles me, because who in their right mind would leave an old man to grieve in the rain alone), try saying that a grandchild or some relative pulled him out of his memories and toward a waiting car...or something. Just a suggestion. I like it either way though, you are a wonderful writer. Keep it up.
3/21/2008 c1 Incurable Dreamer
The ending was kind of rushed and could use some work, but overall I enjoyed the piece. It was very well-written and powerful. =)
The ending was kind of rushed and could use some work, but overall I enjoyed the piece. It was very well-written and powerful. =)