for Forsaken4/19/2008 c2 
3HeroR
This is a nice story so far. I like the detail you put into your characters. I also liked the brief action scene that you had in this chapter. There are not enough of them.
The dialog is a little dry at times, but good overall. Keep up the good work:)
3HeroRThis is a nice story so far. I like the detail you put into your characters. I also liked the brief action scene that you had in this chapter. There are not enough of them.
The dialog is a little dry at times, but good overall. Keep up the good work:)
4/10/2008 c1 16Long Island Iced Tea
If you are determined to get all politically correct on me, it is Lady Lylyth.
That sounds ridiculously modern for this time period. I liked the descriptions at the beginning and the summary really hooked me cause I'm a history buff, but that line is really jarring. Just like her request to be called Lylyth - it sounds stupid. Perhaps Lady Lylyth, instead of just simply Lylyth?
and all of your ladies maids
Eh? Do you mean ladies and maids or ladies' maids or what?
our front porch now, do we
Did they have porches in those days? I'm sorry for being so nitpicky, but these little things in a story are really annoying and put off a lot of readers. Otherwise, I like your writing style, it's very nice. It has a certain... well, I don't know, soothing quality to it. Lol, I know this isn't supposed to be a soothing story! Though I do think you need to get a beta.
16Long Island Iced TeaIf you are determined to get all politically correct on me, it is Lady Lylyth.
That sounds ridiculously modern for this time period. I liked the descriptions at the beginning and the summary really hooked me cause I'm a history buff, but that line is really jarring. Just like her request to be called Lylyth - it sounds stupid. Perhaps Lady Lylyth, instead of just simply Lylyth?
and all of your ladies maids
Eh? Do you mean ladies and maids or ladies' maids or what?
our front porch now, do we
Did they have porches in those days? I'm sorry for being so nitpicky, but these little things in a story are really annoying and put off a lot of readers. Otherwise, I like your writing style, it's very nice. It has a certain... well, I don't know, soothing quality to it. Lol, I know this isn't supposed to be a soothing story! Though I do think you need to get a beta.
3/25/2008 c1 20Paige Evans
I liked this! But then again, you know that I always like things that you write. I'm anxious to see where this is going-one thing to watch out for, though, are those modernistic phrases. Sometimes the wording seems a little too modern for your setting. So look out for that. But overall, it's very good. I will be looking for more of this. Oh, and I got your reviews for Taken-thanks! :D Good to see you're paying attention again.
Love,
Paige
20Paige EvansI liked this! But then again, you know that I always like things that you write. I'm anxious to see where this is going-one thing to watch out for, though, are those modernistic phrases. Sometimes the wording seems a little too modern for your setting. So look out for that. But overall, it's very good. I will be looking for more of this. Oh, and I got your reviews for Taken-thanks! :D Good to see you're paying attention again.
Love,
Paige