3/22/2008 c1 14rainbowjar
First, let me congratulate you on a very persuasive story summary. I never thought that the "just read it" tactic actually worked until right now, when for some unknown reason it drew me in...

I really like the way you wrote your poem: it sounds really nice, flows well, etc. The first five lines and the title were especially clever/intruiging/insightful (didn't know which one to pick), and all of the rest of the ideas come across really vividly. I'm having a few problems understanding the end, though. I'm not all that sure what innocence has to do with the whole "hiding imperfections" idea and why were're vomiting and whether or not that's in keeping with earlier metaphors and how and why we're purging our impurities when the problem was that we were faking being too pure, and all around it's kind of confusing. I know it's not supposed to be totally clear, but I guess my main problem with the end was that it seemed to be contradicitng the beginning. And that would be a shame, because most of the poem is really very good.