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5/25/2008 c1 63Midnight Adrenaline
It's good. You need to go through it and correct mistakes. The fifth paragraph especially. Other than that, wow. You wrote something and us readers don't know the past, the context, the characters, yet...we can understand his pain. And...that's not easy to do. So... (lol) congratulations on doing that. :)
4/26/2008 c1 18Peevxwm Vaj
The writing was really good, even if the plot seemed very cliche. Out of curiosity, where is this supposed to take place? "mate" and "mum" seem a little out of place for some reason. I do like the dialogue, though, especially the way you wrote in the awkward stutters and uhms. Usually when writers try this it ends up too forced, but I think you pulled it off well. Fun read!
3/30/2008 c1 8Written
have you ever read the Kurt Vonnegut story called "The Long Road to Forever"? it reminds me of this, though that story is happier...

this was a really good piece! it was very, very sad though. man.
3/23/2008 c1 4Stylo

Your boy Ben sure is dark and twisty inside, isn't it?

Is this a one-shot? 'cause it shouldn't be under Romance/Drama. More of Drama/Angst, y'know?

Although angst isn't mu cuppa, it was well written.

So, good job.

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