5/29/2008 c1 i-want-2-delete-my-account
I like the second half of this. (Those tattoos onwards). I'm not sure what I think of the first half though.
It's good though.
I like the second half of this. (Those tattoos onwards). I'm not sure what I think of the first half though.
It's good though.
4/17/2008 c1 13Shasta Valentine
i wish it was longer!
excellent.
although i think i've heard a few of those lines in "The Invisible"
but excellent job, totally under my fav's
i wish it was longer!
excellent.
although i think i've heard a few of those lines in "The Invisible"
but excellent job, totally under my fav's
4/2/2008 c1 half-sketched.staccatos
konban wa
Wow. This is beautiful. I love that last line: "Little do we know, even the blind can catch gold coins in their hands." People automatically jump to pity. Sure, the blind are missing a piece of life because they can't see, and sight is beautiful - but they aren't creatures to be pitied. They're not creatures at all. They are humans just like us, and their lives aren't these pathetic existences!
This is beautiful. I loved it. The imagery was absolutely fantastic! (Wow, I haven't used the word fantastic in a while.)
Ha det
-Shan-
konban wa
Wow. This is beautiful. I love that last line: "Little do we know, even the blind can catch gold coins in their hands." People automatically jump to pity. Sure, the blind are missing a piece of life because they can't see, and sight is beautiful - but they aren't creatures to be pitied. They're not creatures at all. They are humans just like us, and their lives aren't these pathetic existences!
This is beautiful. I loved it. The imagery was absolutely fantastic! (Wow, I haven't used the word fantastic in a while.)
Ha det
-Shan-
4/1/2008 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Very interesting. You certainly are playing with poetic devices a lot in this, which is nice to see. The first two lines really caught my attention. I think with a little tightening in areas (like line breaks, but I'm a freak about those, anyway), this could be really good. Good work. Keep writing! :)
Very interesting. You certainly are playing with poetic devices a lot in this, which is nice to see. The first two lines really caught my attention. I think with a little tightening in areas (like line breaks, but I'm a freak about those, anyway), this could be really good. Good work. Keep writing! :)
3/26/2008 c1 52godsandstars
This is interesting. On Wednesdays, she stitches her eyes shut - it gives me the impression that something happens every Wednesday that she doesn't want to see; maybe someone coming to visit she doesn't like, or a weekly task she doesn't want to do? Either way, she's almost optimistic, humming to herself. A distraction. At least, that's how I see it. You've made quite a fascinating character in such a short piece. I'm astounded. She has fooled everyone around her, and for some reason you've drawn attention first to how she has trained her dog, as well as everyone else. I sense lots of turmoil inside of her, and it's all because of Wednesday. It leaves me wondering, honestly, what is wrong, and why it is so bothersome to her.
This is interesting. On Wednesdays, she stitches her eyes shut - it gives me the impression that something happens every Wednesday that she doesn't want to see; maybe someone coming to visit she doesn't like, or a weekly task she doesn't want to do? Either way, she's almost optimistic, humming to herself. A distraction. At least, that's how I see it. You've made quite a fascinating character in such a short piece. I'm astounded. She has fooled everyone around her, and for some reason you've drawn attention first to how she has trained her dog, as well as everyone else. I sense lots of turmoil inside of her, and it's all because of Wednesday. It leaves me wondering, honestly, what is wrong, and why it is so bothersome to her.