for Dark and Dingy, Bright and Vivid12/27/2008 c1 
103Jesse the Storyteller
Hmm... I don't like the turn that the last stanza took in this poem. You had such cute, clever wording in the rest of the poem, and the end didn't keep that up. It's hard to be cute and clever with a sad ending, but I'm just saying - it kind of ruined the flow of the poem.
By the way, loved your wording. The entire first stanza was sing-songy - the rhythm helped me see/feel the flitting butterfly. Grand job. :D
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
103Jesse the StorytellerHmm... I don't like the turn that the last stanza took in this poem. You had such cute, clever wording in the rest of the poem, and the end didn't keep that up. It's hard to be cute and clever with a sad ending, but I'm just saying - it kind of ruined the flow of the poem.
By the way, loved your wording. The entire first stanza was sing-songy - the rhythm helped me see/feel the flitting butterfly. Grand job. :D
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
4/22/2008 c1 22lips and lashes
:] Very cute. I especially like the first stanza.
But your author's note totally killed it. xD Just kidding. Sort of.
Btw, you have a typo on your profile. x]
22lips and lashes:] Very cute. I especially like the first stanza.
But your author's note totally killed it. xD Just kidding. Sort of.
Btw, you have a typo on your profile. x]