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for Sunspot Grammar In The Outside House

4/29/2008 c1 22Porter Daryl
Once again, I read it literally drooling at the mouth over the lush imagery. This is some of the most amazing writing I've ever had the pleasure to come across anywhere. "etch-a-sketch with the particles," breathless.
4/3/2008 c1 crazy dog events
it's very ambitious, and I can tell you've got a great vocabulary ad a flare for metaphor, but it seems cluttered. It could do with some cutting down, i think. Don't get me wrong, though, I think it has a lot of promise.
4/3/2008 c1 89Shadows in the Fire
Whoa, the language of this! It's brilliant and it makes for breathtaking imagery.

Wow. Flawless, Perfect Sonnet.

-Shadow
4/3/2008 c1 13evm
So, I'm kind of in love with your poem. It's beautiful and surreal, and I love the rhythm of it when I read it out loud. I think it perfectly emulates the feeling of being outside in the summer, and my favorite stanza was definitely the second to last one. Gorgeous poem.
4/3/2008 c1 36SEMMU
Very beautiful imagery. I actually enjoy doing nothing while the outside world is hidden by tall grass. Your poem (I'm not sure why) reminds me of Walt Whitman. Excellent choice of words.

You're right; the unescapable traces of man always pops-up to destroy that few minutes of peace. I can't wait for the rain to stop.

You'll find no critique this time. Just a good old pat on the back. Write on!

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