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for Pretty Yellow Pills

1/10/2011 c1 6xXxfantasyfreakxXx
I like it although there are a couple of grammatical errors. Its kinda mysterious which I love :)
8/18/2008 c1 53Rotem
Love the repetition of "pretty yellow pills" in this one. That is already a strong, sarcastic image and repeating it strengthens that idea.

Repeating some of the other phrases and the word pain, in particular, however, don't do it for me in this one. Repetition should emphasize a powerful point, and I'm not sure they do that elsewhere in the poem.

I have to say, I don't like the rhyme here. There is a strong sense that the rhyme disrupts the logical flow of ideas, meaning that you changed what you were going to say in order to make it rhyme. The rhymes are not particularly powerful (I usually utilize them to emphasize a word, line, or point.)

I love the ending though.

Same as my other review, I suggest you may want to tighten the rhythm to induce a better flow. That shouldn't be too hard if you cut the rhymes. If you want to keep the rhymes, just make sure you the logic flows and the words or ideas that complete each rhyme highlight your theme.

I enjoy the circular logic where one point follows the other which goes back to the first so that you're almost not sure which is the cause and which is the effect (the guy or the pills).

The use of the word "female" bothers me. It doesn't fit here.

Small thing: "you head filled with pain, enough pain." That should be "your," not "you."

Again, the repetition of "pretty yellow pills" and the ending both tickle my fancy.

Not bad. :)

7/24/2008 c1 1Tsukimiko
I wasn't expectanting it to be this way. I feel cold right now.
4/30/2008 c1 4winterwhiterose
I really love this poem. You captured the emotions so beautifully with your words. it's great.
4/29/2008 c1 114Mourning Sickness
Very well written.

Good concept, heartbreaking, with a few stark stanzas.
4/27/2008 c1 addicted2storiz
First of all, thank you ever so much for reviewing my "Basic Blood"! I am actually quite surprised that a. you found it. b you liked it! I'm not sure if it's my forte persay, but certainly I do have way more works similar to yours that I have yet to put up on my account. Thank you for your encouragement! I am quite flattered.

As for your "Pretty Yellow Pills," it must be noted that I have multiple (perhaps too many poems) with a very similar theme. As said by previous reviewers, I love the repetition, and the simple rhymes that pull the reader along. Quite brilliant actually. And the plot within the poem is obviously one we can all relate to. So in return, you too are amazing, and I particularly love this piece.
4/17/2008 c1 33Nee Rocky
"wishing you were dead so he wouldn't enter your head."

it's good to know someone else has been there.
4/12/2008 c1 55Quoven
Thanks for writing. I wrote about a girl recently who may be able to be described by this poem, though I'm not sure.

It makes me wonder if most girls that pop pills do it because of some heartless asshole's traveties.
4/12/2008 c1 59Tranquil Thorns
I like the format here, the fact that you repeat the ending of each line in the next line.

I thought it worked pretty well. It pulled me in and kept me reading; I guess I was lulled a little.

The poem itself is a little depressing, but it's nicely written.
4/12/2008 c1 989East-0f-Eden
brilliant your voice and emotions come out so clearly.
4/11/2008 c1 socks-lost
My mom takes yellow pills that make her calm down. I liked it kind of depressing though. i thought it flowed nicely keep it up.
4/10/2008 c1 13Rach.Liefde
Amazingly beautiful.

I love this poem.

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