for A Billion Dollar Catch5/14/2009 c23 Anonymous
AH! At the beginning! i want this song at my wedding too! its so perfect!
AH! At the beginning! i want this song at my wedding too! its so perfect!
4/25/2009 c2 
1pinkcola
no offense,
but you have put so many grammatical errors in this, i was really annoyed by the fifth chapter.
also, if they're so rich,
why would they be saying, 'This is pretty expensive, but its worth it dont you think?'
Half of the stuff in here doesnt make any sense.
But, not to be completely negative,
The story has a really good plot, just some of the words are a bit jumbled.
:)
1pinkcolano offense,
but you have put so many grammatical errors in this, i was really annoyed by the fifth chapter.
also, if they're so rich,
why would they be saying, 'This is pretty expensive, but its worth it dont you think?'
Half of the stuff in here doesnt make any sense.
But, not to be completely negative,
The story has a really good plot, just some of the words are a bit jumbled.
:)
4/11/2009 c1 4anitsirK
Um...
Sheik is an Arab chief. I think what you meant when you described her hair as sheik is "chic".
The plural form of fantasy is fantasies, not "fantasy's".
I'm finding Chase and Harper's conversation kind of overly scripted. I know that conversations in stories created by authors are technically scripted, but the characters should still seem like REAL people, not just puppets (or imaginary people); therefore, the conversations should still seem spontaneous and unplanned. The conversations should still sound natural.
Secondly, there's some really bad grammar errors flying around eveywhere in just this first chapter. For example, (this is something Harper said) "Don’t you even care about love? I mean I want that fairy tail(By the way, this word should be spelled as "fairytale".) wedding looking into the eyes of my prince. Laugh all you want but that is what girls dream for." The second sentence could be improved by phrasing it this way, "Laugh all you want but that is what girls dream OF.". Your usage of "for" was wrong in that sentence.
I'm really sorry, but the tons of grammatical errors in your first chapter have already put me off reading your story further.
I had just wanted to correct you on some of your errors because they were so blatantly wrong. I hope you take this as constructive criticism and work on improving your writing style.
4anitsirKUm...
Sheik is an Arab chief. I think what you meant when you described her hair as sheik is "chic".
The plural form of fantasy is fantasies, not "fantasy's".
I'm finding Chase and Harper's conversation kind of overly scripted. I know that conversations in stories created by authors are technically scripted, but the characters should still seem like REAL people, not just puppets (or imaginary people); therefore, the conversations should still seem spontaneous and unplanned. The conversations should still sound natural.
Secondly, there's some really bad grammar errors flying around eveywhere in just this first chapter. For example, (this is something Harper said) "Don’t you even care about love? I mean I want that fairy tail(By the way, this word should be spelled as "fairytale".) wedding looking into the eyes of my prince. Laugh all you want but that is what girls dream for." The second sentence could be improved by phrasing it this way, "Laugh all you want but that is what girls dream OF.". Your usage of "for" was wrong in that sentence.
I'm really sorry, but the tons of grammatical errors in your first chapter have already put me off reading your story further.
I had just wanted to correct you on some of your errors because they were so blatantly wrong. I hope you take this as constructive criticism and work on improving your writing style.
3/31/2009 c14 So.Who.Will.Call.Me.Beautiful
So I read the title an' was like what Trojan Man? but now I know why...
So I read the title an' was like what Trojan Man? but now I know why...
3/2/2009 c1 1Julia Nathan
I thought this was gonna be all sucky and OMG I have to marry him or I will be banished! But no you made it really good! I love the name Harper! And I love her 'virgin' computer,lol. But does evrything in her room have to be PURPLE? I hate purple with a passion,dang alliteration.
1Julia NathanI thought this was gonna be all sucky and OMG I have to marry him or I will be banished! But no you made it really good! I love the name Harper! And I love her 'virgin' computer,lol. But does evrything in her room have to be PURPLE? I hate purple with a passion,dang alliteration.
2/14/2009 c5 zhakobya adams
oh my friggin' gosh how could thier dad do that to them?
oh my friggin' gosh how could thier dad do that to them?
11/19/2008 c24 2Among-the-Vampires
It's official, i loved the story! and i stayed up all night reading it too. lol but it was worth it. :] you did a good job with it. :]
2Among-the-VampiresIt's official, i loved the story! and i stayed up all night reading it too. lol but it was worth it. :] you did a good job with it. :]
11/19/2008 c19 Among-the-Vampires
Okay so i have a question, "I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you"
what song is that from, because i am in love with just that part and i want to hear the song.. or did you write that for the story either way i love it!
Okay so i have a question, "I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you"
what song is that from, because i am in love with just that part and i want to hear the song.. or did you write that for the story either way i love it!
11/19/2008 c12 Among-the-Vampires
Ok, so the grandma = amazing! it made me laugh so hard! i love this story!
Ok, so the grandma = amazing! it made me laugh so hard! i love this story!
11/19/2008 c5 Among-the-Vampires
i love how you put in fictionpress lol. i so don't like the new wife to be, or the daughter...they seem like golddiggers...or maybe its just me...who knows lol
i love how you put in fictionpress lol. i so don't like the new wife to be, or the daughter...they seem like golddiggers...or maybe its just me...who knows lol
11/19/2008 c1 Among-the-Vampires
Ok, so i didn't know if i would like this story or not, but now that i have read the first chapter, i love it. i think i'm going to love it as much as i did it all started with a crash. :] so yeah, i'm gonna go read the next chapter. xD
Ok, so i didn't know if i would like this story or not, but now that i have read the first chapter, i love it. i think i'm going to love it as much as i did it all started with a crash. :] so yeah, i'm gonna go read the next chapter. xD