for A Billion Dollar Catch11/12/2008 c24 
7g.na
AMAZING STORY!
I ABSSOLLUTELY LOVED IT!
a MSUT-READ!
lengthy, but so worth reading every word.
7g.naAMAZING STORY!
I ABSSOLLUTELY LOVED IT!
a MSUT-READ!
lengthy, but so worth reading every word.
11/12/2008 c16 g.na
haha, i love how Roxanna, the biatch, gets pulled into the water... hysterical. i wished she would've just drowned.
great so far! i'm loving it!
i've been reading for hours... lol
haha, i love how Roxanna, the biatch, gets pulled into the water... hysterical. i wished she would've just drowned.
great so far! i'm loving it!
i've been reading for hours... lol
11/12/2008 c9 g.na
SHE kissed HIM on his CHEEK! what!
she never did anything like that!
something's sparking now!
LOVE this story! amazingly written!
SHE kissed HIM on his CHEEK! what!
she never did anything like that!
something's sparking now!
LOVE this story! amazingly written!
11/12/2008 c5 g.na
omg... cinderella's replay.
great story so far, i love it.
roxanna sounds like a big fat biatch...
i already hate her. that little effing biatch.
omg... cinderella's replay.
great story so far, i love it.
roxanna sounds like a big fat biatch...
i already hate her. that little effing biatch.
10/31/2008 c24 person
awesome story...i like it that even though it's sort of a cliche (arranged marriage and all) it's still different. I'll probably miss the characters lol :D anyways keep writing awesome stories like this
awesome story...i like it that even though it's sort of a cliche (arranged marriage and all) it's still different. I'll probably miss the characters lol :D anyways keep writing awesome stories like this
9/26/2008 c23 2poppiesinoctober
Okay, so I felt the need to review again, I missed something crucial I was going to put in my review.
I think that a lot of the things were way underdone. In a way this was like what I said with lacking detail, but I mean, like, the whole decision to not run the business was so sudden, and just like a few lines, and it was DECIDED. It was just too fast paced. And you totally like made it weird. It directly stated in the beginning she really wanted to take over the business. I mean, if you are going to throw something out like that, you should at least hint it in chapters before. It was just totally random.
A lot of stuff was random.
But, still good.
2poppiesinoctoberOkay, so I felt the need to review again, I missed something crucial I was going to put in my review.
I think that a lot of the things were way underdone. In a way this was like what I said with lacking detail, but I mean, like, the whole decision to not run the business was so sudden, and just like a few lines, and it was DECIDED. It was just too fast paced. And you totally like made it weird. It directly stated in the beginning she really wanted to take over the business. I mean, if you are going to throw something out like that, you should at least hint it in chapters before. It was just totally random.
A lot of stuff was random.
But, still good.
9/26/2008 c24 poppiesinoctober
Okay, so I really liked this story. The whole idea was very, very sweet.
But, I mean, the story really lacked plot, no offense. There wasn't really a climax, and everything was very rushed. Important things were kind of shut out. The whole 'rich thing' as well was very downplayed. I mean, seriously, rich people seriously don't act like that. I mean you really did good on some areas, but like others just...no. And most rich people are in private schools, or boarding schools. Or at least that's how I am...
But anyway, there were lots and lots of grammar, spelling mistakes, and just errors. There was like once where you said she sh I t the door instead of shut. This story has so much potential if it was totally re-edited, and maybe some more action, and detail.
I'm not saying it was bad, cause don't get me wrong, it was good.
The characters could use some more depth though. They were very surface characters, and they acted the same always. Example: Harper. She was just very, predictable, and always the same. Never a change. Roxanna, she was just a typical bitchy whore. But you didn't even really get into it all that well. It just lacked SO much detail.
I hope this helps you if you decide to re-edit the thing.
If you need any help what so ever, I would be more than happy to help, etc.
By the way, I loved the whole RAW thing in there. Luff RAW. :o)
Okay, so I really liked this story. The whole idea was very, very sweet.
But, I mean, the story really lacked plot, no offense. There wasn't really a climax, and everything was very rushed. Important things were kind of shut out. The whole 'rich thing' as well was very downplayed. I mean, seriously, rich people seriously don't act like that. I mean you really did good on some areas, but like others just...no. And most rich people are in private schools, or boarding schools. Or at least that's how I am...
But anyway, there were lots and lots of grammar, spelling mistakes, and just errors. There was like once where you said she sh I t the door instead of shut. This story has so much potential if it was totally re-edited, and maybe some more action, and detail.
I'm not saying it was bad, cause don't get me wrong, it was good.
The characters could use some more depth though. They were very surface characters, and they acted the same always. Example: Harper. She was just very, predictable, and always the same. Never a change. Roxanna, she was just a typical bitchy whore. But you didn't even really get into it all that well. It just lacked SO much detail.
I hope this helps you if you decide to re-edit the thing.
If you need any help what so ever, I would be more than happy to help, etc.
By the way, I loved the whole RAW thing in there. Luff RAW. :o)
9/24/2008 c23 4Morgan Davis
oh also! you need to learn more about high society! it was sort of absurd some of the things that your characters did. like buying groceries...? no. i happen to be intimately familiar with this particular social strata and i know for a fact that having that much money will distance you from the world. i know people that haven't set foot in a grocery before (unless they wanted to go slumming) much less plan things for their own wedding.
weddings like that are grand affairs and a planner is there the ENTIRE time to control choices so that all china and floral arrangements will match.
also: money is never an issue. nothing is ever priced before hand, simply charged to a card and if cash is the only acceptable form of payment the news is received with puzzled looks. we really do carry around daddy's plastic (it has our name on it though!).
also... don't describe some one grooming themselves everytime that it happens. it is safe to assume that she brushes her teeth. and the clothing could have been a bit more creative.
your descriptions just seemed like lists rather than a slow discovery of the truth! that applies to characters as well as appearances.
sorry if i am overwhelming you with all this. i just figured if i was going to say something i might as well say it all.
:D
good job!
4Morgan Davisoh also! you need to learn more about high society! it was sort of absurd some of the things that your characters did. like buying groceries...? no. i happen to be intimately familiar with this particular social strata and i know for a fact that having that much money will distance you from the world. i know people that haven't set foot in a grocery before (unless they wanted to go slumming) much less plan things for their own wedding.
weddings like that are grand affairs and a planner is there the ENTIRE time to control choices so that all china and floral arrangements will match.
also: money is never an issue. nothing is ever priced before hand, simply charged to a card and if cash is the only acceptable form of payment the news is received with puzzled looks. we really do carry around daddy's plastic (it has our name on it though!).
also... don't describe some one grooming themselves everytime that it happens. it is safe to assume that she brushes her teeth. and the clothing could have been a bit more creative.
your descriptions just seemed like lists rather than a slow discovery of the truth! that applies to characters as well as appearances.
sorry if i am overwhelming you with all this. i just figured if i was going to say something i might as well say it all.
:D
good job!
9/24/2008 c24 Morgan Davis
this has a lot of potential. i thought it was very sweet, cute, etc. one MAJOR thing it lacked however was a plot. i kept waiting for something to happen and it never did. it was like the story escalated nicely in the first couple chapters and then just plateaued from there. with some major revisions though i see this story being being really really good. you just need to mature the writing style and characterizations. i think that you made all the characters too flat and static for this story to really captivate. people aren't going to react the same in every situation (chase always does everything with love and care. harper is always a little bitchy. michelle is always a dull flame next to her sister. tristan is always a sweety. these don't make for real characters, because they don't seem like real people.)
basically my recommendation would be to revamp the whole story.
develop the people and plot a little more and spice it up with some drama.
like i said before: this has a lot of potential! don't waste it.
:D
this has a lot of potential. i thought it was very sweet, cute, etc. one MAJOR thing it lacked however was a plot. i kept waiting for something to happen and it never did. it was like the story escalated nicely in the first couple chapters and then just plateaued from there. with some major revisions though i see this story being being really really good. you just need to mature the writing style and characterizations. i think that you made all the characters too flat and static for this story to really captivate. people aren't going to react the same in every situation (chase always does everything with love and care. harper is always a little bitchy. michelle is always a dull flame next to her sister. tristan is always a sweety. these don't make for real characters, because they don't seem like real people.)
basically my recommendation would be to revamp the whole story.
develop the people and plot a little more and spice it up with some drama.
like i said before: this has a lot of potential! don't waste it.
:D
9/23/2008 c24 moo
hey, i think this story is really sweet and cool. yups. the ending is simple but yet sweet and nice. i mean, i like stories with happy ending. sounds kinda chessy, but yea, it's really awesome! and that's the word i would use to describe this story. AWESOME! =)loves you!
hey, i think this story is really sweet and cool. yups. the ending is simple but yet sweet and nice. i mean, i like stories with happy ending. sounds kinda chessy, but yea, it's really awesome! and that's the word i would use to describe this story. AWESOME! =)loves you!
9/21/2008 c24 10Robyn Night
great ending! That was a surprise how it ended. Go with the new story you want to start... i think it could turn out great!
10Robyn Nightgreat ending! That was a surprise how it ended. Go with the new story you want to start... i think it could turn out great!