for Blacking Out the Friction10/27/2009 c2 
4Mrs Dalloway's flowers
woow.
That's all I can say, I guess.
The imagery is amazing, and I envy your visual style. It's so easy to picture everything. But at the same time, it's not graphic for graphic's sake, especially not in the revision. Very, very well done.
4Mrs Dalloway's flowerswoow.
That's all I can say, I guess.
The imagery is amazing, and I envy your visual style. It's so easy to picture everything. But at the same time, it's not graphic for graphic's sake, especially not in the revision. Very, very well done.
7/13/2009 c2 4Knightmare Elite
Wow, I have to say this was excellently written. I'm floored by the level of emotional detail you have in this piece. I could really feel her emotions as she experienced a most intimate act, so long sought from her friend.
When most people write lesbian love scenes, especially first time, they skip the emotion and focus purely on the southern regions. That isn't always how it happens, and I appreciate the incite you've given on what goes through a girl's mine, from start to finish.
The beginning was a little clunky, but after that paragraph the story began to flow to the very end. I might have to use this as a reference for my scenes. You have some serious talent, and best wishes in everything you write. :)
4Knightmare EliteWow, I have to say this was excellently written. I'm floored by the level of emotional detail you have in this piece. I could really feel her emotions as she experienced a most intimate act, so long sought from her friend.
When most people write lesbian love scenes, especially first time, they skip the emotion and focus purely on the southern regions. That isn't always how it happens, and I appreciate the incite you've given on what goes through a girl's mine, from start to finish.
The beginning was a little clunky, but after that paragraph the story began to flow to the very end. I might have to use this as a reference for my scenes. You have some serious talent, and best wishes in everything you write. :)
3/16/2009 c1 2With a Side of Chocolate
Lovely, romantic, and extreamly hot. Both versions were awesome!
2With a Side of ChocolateLovely, romantic, and extreamly hot. Both versions were awesome!
3/12/2009 c1 sneekie
Oh wow, that was so wonderfully well written. I think I held my breath through that whole story. Yep I did, getting that rush back. Very nicely done, sexy, I don't think it was smutty, I'd class it as beautiful
Oh wow, that was so wonderfully well written. I think I held my breath through that whole story. Yep I did, getting that rush back. Very nicely done, sexy, I don't think it was smutty, I'd class it as beautiful
3/2/2009 c2 11Isobel Rowan
Wow, you did a TERRIFIC rewrite. You added enough background to pique our interest, you added a lot of really good emotional depth. This is very good. Sexy and fulfilling.
I think you did a great job adding little details about Loren's internal life. For instance, I loved the exploration of Loren realizing she is looking at love when Britt returns the gaze. The fact that it was the first time made the moment tender for the reader as well.
I totally and completely loved the change you made to the fourth paragraph. I mean...Woah. It was very poignant and sweet with a lot of pathos.
I liked the addition of drawing out the electricity metaphor about the small things in life. It made the paragraph a lot stronger by tying it to something we all just take for granted, like apparently the couple in question did.
I loved the accidental breast brush incident. Great addition and sets everything up so organically. Good job.
I really loved the surf flashback. The imagery of her hair whipping out of her ponytail was a delicate and effective touch. (I think I got a chill of the air myself.;D)
I laughed when I read the part about "anything beyond kissing." That was funny and added some to the surf moment. The kiss on the cheek was sweet, followed by Loren's thoughts. Fantastic job.
Great job on what Loren was thinking during the breast reveal! I loved the "breathy chuckle" bit. What a great phrase! Can I steal it?
Liked the fleshing out of the masculine cologne and her femininity. Also loved the "eye-opening" climax. It was powerful stuff, Beau!
You tied the ending together with their insecurities and their history really nicely. I think you ended it really, really well. This is so not just a fluffy, smut piece anymore. It's amoré! You "edit" yourself very well (and quickly)!
11Isobel RowanWow, you did a TERRIFIC rewrite. You added enough background to pique our interest, you added a lot of really good emotional depth. This is very good. Sexy and fulfilling.
I think you did a great job adding little details about Loren's internal life. For instance, I loved the exploration of Loren realizing she is looking at love when Britt returns the gaze. The fact that it was the first time made the moment tender for the reader as well.
I totally and completely loved the change you made to the fourth paragraph. I mean...Woah. It was very poignant and sweet with a lot of pathos.
I liked the addition of drawing out the electricity metaphor about the small things in life. It made the paragraph a lot stronger by tying it to something we all just take for granted, like apparently the couple in question did.
I loved the accidental breast brush incident. Great addition and sets everything up so organically. Good job.
I really loved the surf flashback. The imagery of her hair whipping out of her ponytail was a delicate and effective touch. (I think I got a chill of the air myself.;D)
I laughed when I read the part about "anything beyond kissing." That was funny and added some to the surf moment. The kiss on the cheek was sweet, followed by Loren's thoughts. Fantastic job.
Great job on what Loren was thinking during the breast reveal! I loved the "breathy chuckle" bit. What a great phrase! Can I steal it?
Liked the fleshing out of the masculine cologne and her femininity. Also loved the "eye-opening" climax. It was powerful stuff, Beau!
You tied the ending together with their insecurities and their history really nicely. I think you ended it really, really well. This is so not just a fluffy, smut piece anymore. It's amoré! You "edit" yourself very well (and quickly)!
3/2/2009 c1 4thedarkone19
that was a really good one shot. i enjoyed it. and keep up the good work. i like the way u describe lorens feeling in the book. thank and that was really great
4thedarkone19that was a really good one shot. i enjoyed it. and keep up the good work. i like the way u describe lorens feeling in the book. thank and that was really great
3/1/2009 c1 11Isobel Rowan
You had some great moments in the story. Like when the lover explored the Main Character inside her panties. That was very sensuous. It was amazing because of the way you describe both their reactions, bit by bit.
There were a few places I thought you could have delved a little more. (No pun intended.) For instance, when the MC saw her breasts for the first time. You build up the excitement and then poof, you moved on quickly. I would have liked to have known what the MC felt, thought. What would the lover say at being adored so intensely?
You had achieved a great fever pitch as the MC worked up to the climax. Then, it was over. I wish you could have "lingered" in that moment longer. I'm not sure what you could have written, but since that was the also the story climax, I think it needed a little more emotion.
You did a good job. It's certainly a hot little story. The challenge for short stories is to reveal more about the characters using a well chosen word or two. If you can stand to read het romance novels, there are some out there where the authors are amazing masters of emotion and description. I've learned a lot from them. I think of lesbian authors Carol Anshaw has to be among the best, regardless of orientation. Her prose is simply stunning. "Lucky on the Corner" is the story I read by her.
Thanks for posting your stories.
11Isobel RowanYou had some great moments in the story. Like when the lover explored the Main Character inside her panties. That was very sensuous. It was amazing because of the way you describe both their reactions, bit by bit.
There were a few places I thought you could have delved a little more. (No pun intended.) For instance, when the MC saw her breasts for the first time. You build up the excitement and then poof, you moved on quickly. I would have liked to have known what the MC felt, thought. What would the lover say at being adored so intensely?
You had achieved a great fever pitch as the MC worked up to the climax. Then, it was over. I wish you could have "lingered" in that moment longer. I'm not sure what you could have written, but since that was the also the story climax, I think it needed a little more emotion.
You did a good job. It's certainly a hot little story. The challenge for short stories is to reveal more about the characters using a well chosen word or two. If you can stand to read het romance novels, there are some out there where the authors are amazing masters of emotion and description. I've learned a lot from them. I think of lesbian authors Carol Anshaw has to be among the best, regardless of orientation. Her prose is simply stunning. "Lucky on the Corner" is the story I read by her.
Thanks for posting your stories.
4/25/2008 c1 Pilate
First of all... that was HOT.
It was more than that though. You didn't make it into a random sex scene. It was... I don't even know what it was. Everything about it was sensual and written tastefully.
Bravo!
-AT
First of all... that was HOT.
It was more than that though. You didn't make it into a random sex scene. It was... I don't even know what it was. Everything about it was sensual and written tastefully.
Bravo!
-AT