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for Change of Heart

5/19/2013 c1 6Pirulina
Now I understand what you meant by Title says it all. Smart format
3/21/2011 c1 15Timepieces
Hey! I really like this. It's short but expresses a powerful point.

I do usually prefer poetry that doesn't 'rhyme', but I think this could have been a bit more striking if it had more of an ebb or flow. I guess what I mean is that there are a lot of words in those few sentences and it takes a second to put all those words together and then you get the full picutre. When a poem has more rhythm, I think its easier to understand.

Anyway... that was a lot when it wasn't meant to be.

Love it!

~ C/M
9/9/2010 c1 70Guy1122
I like the parallelism in this poem. I am a sucker for it actually.

Kudos.

And forgetmenot = forget-me- nots.

Just sayin haha

- Guy
9/19/2009 c1 36Kate Marshall
"bubble gum kisses" I love this description. :) The youthfulness in it is endearing and the adjective itself is sort of.. heart-warming. I thought it worked really well as the beginning line for that reason.

"sticky candy fingers" An internal rhyme! It compliments the rest of the poem; it brings in more 'poetic quality'.

"forgetmenot" I somewhat fumbled through reading that word. Spaces or dashes would help.

I'm a fan of the contrasting second stanza. It's very clever. :D Plus, the contrast brings a lot of attention to the lines.

"black rose bouquets" I'm biased against roses, but I would have preferred a different flower. Roses are so common that for me, it took away from the ending. Something more symbolic would work well there.

Congrats again on winning the RM!

Review Squader from the Review Marathon,

-Peach/Kate
6/8/2009 c1 6Variable estrella
This is definitely a very nice piece! Your choice of words is great-they give the piece strong imagery in a short space. The poem was very enjoyable to read even though the message is...not so happy. Two thumbs up!
5/5/2009 c1 49FaithMemory
very very nice! I love the how everything changed in the second stanza. Beautiful.!
4/24/2009 c1 46kyox88
love this one! i clearly see the transformation!
2/26/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
Sorry if that was the intention, but why wasn't there an ending period after bouquets at the end?

I like the contrast while keeping the original root because, now that I look at the title, it really accentuates and exhibits that theme.

I liked how you kept the last word, too. It makes the change of adjectives more dynamic.

Regarding flow, it read easily and didn't jar.

-RM Prize Review
1/30/2009 c1 56Luna Turner
I believe the title's perfect.

The sudden change and comparison to two totally different circumstances, but the same scenarios is a very original idea/ topic.

You mastered it well.

I'm surprised I haven't read this before...

Once again, very well written.

~Luna Turner
1/23/2009 c1 75clockwork kiss
this is a nice string of images and it's very obvious it's about little kid love and then mature heart break, but I still think you need to chain these ideas together with a narrative. Give the poem a speaker- I, she, he, them. If you don't want to go that far, you should at least put in a couple of specific memories so you own the poem. Direct your reader to envision a certain moment so they feel connected to both you and the emotions you are describing. like... bubble gum kisses on the boardwalk of a crumbling san diego beach park. that way you convey the general idea while giving a concrete picture. you don't have to get this specific with each of you images, but maybe every other, or just kind of sporadically. i like the chained up hearts idea. this poem has a lot of potential!
11/25/2008 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
Review Marathon prize!

I liked the structure of this poem, how the two stanzas reflect eachother. It gave the poem a very artistic feel.

This poem is very repetitive, and creatively so, but if you want it to flow better, I think you should try choosing works with the same number of syllables for the match-ups. For example, forgetmenots is four syllables while black rose is only two. This set the reflexive quality of this poem a little off and made the likability (didn't know that was a word...) of the poem that much less.
11/20/2008 c1 Captain Lucky
I like the parallel ideas. It kind of made me shiver though - it was ominous, but fun to read nonetheless!

=)

CL
11/1/2008 c1 May Elizabeth
Again I loved this. ^^ Peace.
10/2/2008 c1 13Peace Revolution
i love the contrast because it's so extreme. it paints an interesting picture.
8/5/2008 c1 31CeruleanStarGlow
the imagery was great, and i loved your repetition, speaking of the exact same thing, from a different point of view, or at a different point in your life. It's interesting. keep writing!
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