for Yes, Dear12/21/2014 c1 
51Brievel
Reminds me of that Poe story...can't remember what it's called, but it's pretty famous...you know, the one about the beating heart...
51BrievelReminds me of that Poe story...can't remember what it's called, but it's pretty famous...you know, the one about the beating heart...
5/19/2008 c1 Genica Pussywillow
This was pretty good. It was a tiny bit predictable, but it was well executed so the slight predictability didn't ruin it.
It started off very well, but I felt the end was a bit rushed and her thoughts sounds a bit not human - even for a crazy woman.
The idea was clever, but it might've worked better if it was a bit longer - it seems like there's more you could've written, and it got cut short early.
Overall, I thought it was really good, and a clever idea, though. :)
This was pretty good. It was a tiny bit predictable, but it was well executed so the slight predictability didn't ruin it.
It started off very well, but I felt the end was a bit rushed and her thoughts sounds a bit not human - even for a crazy woman.
The idea was clever, but it might've worked better if it was a bit longer - it seems like there's more you could've written, and it got cut short early.
Overall, I thought it was really good, and a clever idea, though. :)
4/11/2008 c1 4under the influence
Not predictible at all. I really like the way you interjected the 'yes, dear's...it really added to the feel of the story and got me into the wife's head. Nicely done
4under the influenceNot predictible at all. I really like the way you interjected the 'yes, dear's...it really added to the feel of the story and got me into the wife's head. Nicely done
4/10/2008 c1 7Justin Carlton
Great read. I thought it was very well written, creepy, and not necessarily "predictable" as you feared. I especially liked the execution sequence, as well as the repetition of "Yes, dear", which really focused the brief plot. You also nailed the wife's insanity, blending the aggravation with guilt and rationality. Nice work, really.
My single complaint is that the ending seemed to lose the thread, (specifically the last few lines). A chilling line to close, perhaps. Otherwise, excellent work.
Kep it up.
"Ken" ~ Justin
7Justin CarltonGreat read. I thought it was very well written, creepy, and not necessarily "predictable" as you feared. I especially liked the execution sequence, as well as the repetition of "Yes, dear", which really focused the brief plot. You also nailed the wife's insanity, blending the aggravation with guilt and rationality. Nice work, really.
My single complaint is that the ending seemed to lose the thread, (specifically the last few lines). A chilling line to close, perhaps. Otherwise, excellent work.
Kep it up.
"Ken" ~ Justin