for Cobra Venom6/15/2009 c1 Reykjavikblossoms
this is one of the cheesiest poems I have ever read. Fantasy poems should be comical or so serious you can notice a sardonic tone. Instead of taking yourself seriously, why don't you just write an idiotic, fun poem?
this is one of the cheesiest poems I have ever read. Fantasy poems should be comical or so serious you can notice a sardonic tone. Instead of taking yourself seriously, why don't you just write an idiotic, fun poem?
7/29/2008 c1 
4Abel Articulate
I really liked the part where you said, "With a judicious leer she delights in her devastation." I thought that this particular line really set the tone for the rest of the piece and you can see that this isn't a typical love poem. I thought it was very powerful and you have a great ability to get your message across without watering down your content. Good work! I'll definitely have to read more of your work in the future.
I didn't find anything that I disliked, but also I don't write too much poetry. I found it very entertaining though.
4Abel ArticulateI really liked the part where you said, "With a judicious leer she delights in her devastation." I thought that this particular line really set the tone for the rest of the piece and you can see that this isn't a typical love poem. I thought it was very powerful and you have a great ability to get your message across without watering down your content. Good work! I'll definitely have to read more of your work in the future.
I didn't find anything that I disliked, but also I don't write too much poetry. I found it very entertaining though.
5/15/2008 c1 18Alexander Willing
Wonderful! This has great wording, and it speaks to me on a deeper level than usual because I've been a victim of a woman with serpentine qualities...Anyway, would you see my recent two poems? "The Red Hat" and "Uncut" are the titles. I would also like to join the staff of your community forum, 'Life's Journey'. How might that be possible? Again, "Cobra Venom" is something else!
-Alexander Will
18Alexander WillingWonderful! This has great wording, and it speaks to me on a deeper level than usual because I've been a victim of a woman with serpentine qualities...Anyway, would you see my recent two poems? "The Red Hat" and "Uncut" are the titles. I would also like to join the staff of your community forum, 'Life's Journey'. How might that be possible? Again, "Cobra Venom" is something else!
-Alexander Will
5/9/2008 c1 59radioactive stanica
I just updated it. I thought about all your reviews and I did some editing for these poems. Thanks so much for all of your help.
59radioactive stanicaI just updated it. I thought about all your reviews and I did some editing for these poems. Thanks so much for all of your help.
4/19/2008 c2 103Jesse the Storyteller
I like the two last lines, and like the phrase "condescending sigh."
This line - "for we are rotten to our core." is really cheesy. These are demons. Why would they say that? I see them as being far more bad-ass than that.
And - "Bleed her dry to there is no more," don't you mean 'til there is no more?
Also - "We'll burned down.." burn?
"The yelled and.." they?
I also like "Sending superfluous chills of fright".. I like that you used big words in the midst of the poem. It gives it class.
-Jesse
Behold the review marathon! (Link in profile)
103Jesse the StorytellerI like the two last lines, and like the phrase "condescending sigh."
This line - "for we are rotten to our core." is really cheesy. These are demons. Why would they say that? I see them as being far more bad-ass than that.
And - "Bleed her dry to there is no more," don't you mean 'til there is no more?
Also - "We'll burned down.." burn?
"The yelled and.." they?
I also like "Sending superfluous chills of fright".. I like that you used big words in the midst of the poem. It gives it class.
-Jesse
Behold the review marathon! (Link in profile)
4/19/2008 c1 Jesse the Storyteller
This is an interesting poem. I really like the ending. :D
"Wooing, bending, breaking his concentration / As she slithers into his heart a breaking"
You said breaking twice in these two lines and it kind of ruins the effect. :( Maybe find another word for "breaking his concentration"?
I like the imagery of "the flames lace her face"
but... "Destruction smolder in her eyes" shouldn't that be smolder[s]?
-Jesse
This is an interesting poem. I really like the ending. :D
"Wooing, bending, breaking his concentration / As she slithers into his heart a breaking"
You said breaking twice in these two lines and it kind of ruins the effect. :( Maybe find another word for "breaking his concentration"?
I like the imagery of "the flames lace her face"
but... "Destruction smolder in her eyes" shouldn't that be smolder[s]?
-Jesse
4/14/2008 c1 28surrealphobia
You're back!
Wow I was wondering if you were ever going to come back and write more. This poem had such and androgonous feel to it. It was feral but I loved it. It was sensual but dangerous. So many contradictions and feelings, whew. I can't even say how much I love it! Great work as always and best of luck.
Surreal
28surrealphobiaYou're back!
Wow I was wondering if you were ever going to come back and write more. This poem had such and androgonous feel to it. It was feral but I loved it. It was sensual but dangerous. So many contradictions and feelings, whew. I can't even say how much I love it! Great work as always and best of luck.
Surreal
4/14/2008 c1 17Azena Kira
First off, personally I think I would change the title... Take Her out of it. Honestly I think it would sound better if it was just 'Snake Charms.'
I liked the rhyming. It really worked well with the poem.
The only line I think I had a problem with was "As she slithers into his heart a breaking." The '...a breaking' part seemed a little stretch in my opinion. Like, it seems as if you had a problem coming up with it, you know?
Other than that I really liked the poem. It was really good. Keep writing.
~Azena
17Azena KiraFirst off, personally I think I would change the title... Take Her out of it. Honestly I think it would sound better if it was just 'Snake Charms.'
I liked the rhyming. It really worked well with the poem.
The only line I think I had a problem with was "As she slithers into his heart a breaking." The '...a breaking' part seemed a little stretch in my opinion. Like, it seems as if you had a problem coming up with it, you know?
Other than that I really liked the poem. It was really good. Keep writing.
~Azena