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7/28/2009 c1 17Xein of Nethling
okay, ill come back and review in more detail later when im not busy but 2 quick things-

firstly, if you're able to do this easily without disrupting the story flow, try and put in more white space, break paragraphs more often. it starts to mess peoples brains up when u read huge long paragraphs.

secondly, i sort of agree with your 1st reviewer that you jump into the story pretty fast. like, i read the first paragraph and i was like whoa im confused because it starts just like bang!

other than that, you have really descriptive style and a wide vocab. that's probably what i have the most trouble with ;)

good start, and happy writings!

~Xein of Nethling
10/18/2008 c1 2RYTwinDemon
Wonderful descriptions, I think the plot's moving along pretty well. Keep up the good work! :)
6/11/2008 c1 4Ignus
I have to say the story is quite impressive. The only thing I take issue with (and I've done this as well sadly) is that you jumped into the story. Your description techniques are something that I can only dream of accomplishing. I hope you keep it up.

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