for Daze6/10/2008 c1 Ernest Bloom
Well, I must differ with the other reviewers.
What's missing here is a point of view. The narrator (I) is not actually criticizing the other (you), because neither is emotionally engaged. They are equal. The line that makes them equal? "I'm not here and you're not there." Equally absent. But I'm guessing you want to convey an unbalanced relationship in which "I" is dismissing "you" for no longer being significant. Of course if that's true, then "you" smiling sounds like an attempt at communication that "I" rejects, thus undermining "I's" morally superior position.
Finally, I can't guess what's left in "I's" hands.
Well, I must differ with the other reviewers.
What's missing here is a point of view. The narrator (I) is not actually criticizing the other (you), because neither is emotionally engaged. They are equal. The line that makes them equal? "I'm not here and you're not there." Equally absent. But I'm guessing you want to convey an unbalanced relationship in which "I" is dismissing "you" for no longer being significant. Of course if that's true, then "you" smiling sounds like an attempt at communication that "I" rejects, thus undermining "I's" morally superior position.
Finally, I can't guess what's left in "I's" hands.
4/19/2008 c1 
115Random-Idiocity
''and nothing is at all like it seems'' that was most excellent written. This was a very good piece. Keep it Up!
115Random-Idiocity''and nothing is at all like it seems'' that was most excellent written. This was a very good piece. Keep it Up!