for Cursed Blood11/11/2009 c1 
13Nicki BluIs
LIME! hi. :D Happy RG BDay to you!
I like the elemental imagery of the poem; sand/ground/earth, lightening/thuinder, parched/molten/smoldering/char... it all felt very raw and uninhibited.
I also like the contrast of what would a painful ordeal to the plea of the speaker and the word "ecstasy." It all feels very pagan ritual-ish...
I actaully didnt feel like it was creepy. It was more... primal in my opinion and I liked it. :D
13Nicki BluIsLIME! hi. :D Happy RG BDay to you!
I like the elemental imagery of the poem; sand/ground/earth, lightening/thuinder, parched/molten/smoldering/char... it all felt very raw and uninhibited.
I also like the contrast of what would a painful ordeal to the plea of the speaker and the word "ecstasy." It all feels very pagan ritual-ish...
I actaully didnt feel like it was creepy. It was more... primal in my opinion and I liked it. :D
4/10/2009 c1 7Duckies
Wow, this was a really passionate poem, I loved the imagery, it was really vivid in my mind, especially the part: "Slice my fingers open, let that exquisite crimson flow from them; have my smoldering blood char the beautiful Earth" Btw I loved the movie Pan's Labyrinth :D very creepy, but in a good way - really impressive!
7DuckiesWow, this was a really passionate poem, I loved the imagery, it was really vivid in my mind, especially the part: "Slice my fingers open, let that exquisite crimson flow from them; have my smoldering blood char the beautiful Earth" Btw I loved the movie Pan's Labyrinth :D very creepy, but in a good way - really impressive!
2/9/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
It was quite angsty, but had a certain pulchritude to it. Such as the line, "Slice my fingers open, let that exquisite crimson flow from them; have my soldering blood char the beautiful Earth"; while the start was meandering into the cutting realm of poetry, the ending part had exquisite imagery. Overall, the poem excelled in imagery, despite the doses of angst.
I see you've had problem with the "brilliant blue lightning" part; in my opinion, the unintentional alliteration makes it sound farcical.
Sad to say, I don't have the proper knowledge on the process of sand changing into fulgurite. (the "glass" substance).
-Sincerely,
Your Blind Date
It was quite angsty, but had a certain pulchritude to it. Such as the line, "Slice my fingers open, let that exquisite crimson flow from them; have my soldering blood char the beautiful Earth"; while the start was meandering into the cutting realm of poetry, the ending part had exquisite imagery. Overall, the poem excelled in imagery, despite the doses of angst.
I see you've had problem with the "brilliant blue lightning" part; in my opinion, the unintentional alliteration makes it sound farcical.
Sad to say, I don't have the proper knowledge on the process of sand changing into fulgurite. (the "glass" substance).
-Sincerely,
Your Blind Date
9/18/2008 c1 10DarkBlysse
Review Game!
-First off, just from the first two stanzas, the flow is good. As I'm reading it, the words float through my mind easily with almost a song-like quality in some places.
-I love the imagery in the third stanza. My imagination was completely taken over by the visual of sand turning to lava which melts into some ethereal liquid that suddenly finds itself in your veins.
-Also, I like how after the third stanza, the stanzas' lengths begin to vary. It's like a sort of off-balance symmetry and it works very well.
-In regards to the overall feel of the poem, I don't find it to be "creepy" or "evil" as you said in your A/N. I found it beautiful and ethereal. The way you used the words-and in fact your choice of words-really made me envision otherworldly and graceful things.
-It definitely hooked me, and fed my ravenous imagination. And though it was somewhat of a common subject (I think, at least) you made it your own.
Well done!
-DB
10DarkBlysseReview Game!
-First off, just from the first two stanzas, the flow is good. As I'm reading it, the words float through my mind easily with almost a song-like quality in some places.
-I love the imagery in the third stanza. My imagination was completely taken over by the visual of sand turning to lava which melts into some ethereal liquid that suddenly finds itself in your veins.
-Also, I like how after the third stanza, the stanzas' lengths begin to vary. It's like a sort of off-balance symmetry and it works very well.
-In regards to the overall feel of the poem, I don't find it to be "creepy" or "evil" as you said in your A/N. I found it beautiful and ethereal. The way you used the words-and in fact your choice of words-really made me envision otherworldly and graceful things.
-It definitely hooked me, and fed my ravenous imagination. And though it was somewhat of a common subject (I think, at least) you made it your own.
Well done!
-DB
9/5/2008 c1 17Unique1952
Very nice. Your choice of words are briallint here and really create a creepy (but brilliant) image. The imagery is very good here and I really enjoyed reading this poem. Again, good work with this.
17Unique1952Very nice. Your choice of words are briallint here and really create a creepy (but brilliant) image. The imagery is very good here and I really enjoyed reading this poem. Again, good work with this.
8/31/2008 c1 6asylum writer
Hello, RM winner!
There's some really great imagery in this piece. They're sort of disturbing/creepy, but in a really well done way.
"Throw me onto a desolate beach,/shove thunderclouds over me/and strike me with deadly bolts/of brilliant blue lightning." - Nice stanza. The forceful words like throw, shove, and strike really add to the angst. And blue lightning sounds pretty awesome.
I don't know if the supernatural category completely fits this, but angst alone wouldn't seem to be enough. I'm not saying supernatural is totally off, I'm just not sure it's a perfect match.
Congratulations!
6asylum writerHello, RM winner!
There's some really great imagery in this piece. They're sort of disturbing/creepy, but in a really well done way.
"Throw me onto a desolate beach,/shove thunderclouds over me/and strike me with deadly bolts/of brilliant blue lightning." - Nice stanza. The forceful words like throw, shove, and strike really add to the angst. And blue lightning sounds pretty awesome.
I don't know if the supernatural category completely fits this, but angst alone wouldn't seem to be enough. I'm not saying supernatural is totally off, I'm just not sure it's a perfect match.
Congratulations!
8/21/2008 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon! Here is your prize review!
Wow, this is an amazing poem. It is definitely beyond my poetical reviewing abilities (which lie somewhere between zero and none :p), but I will do my best!
"by pouring parched grains/of sand down my throat." Lovely imagery here. I found your use of the word "parched" interesting. Sand is usually thought of as dry, so the word intensified the feeling a lot. Also because you used it so closely to the word "throat," yet wasn't applying it to that.
"shove thunderclouds over me" Clouds are usually portrayed as light; floating or rolling through the sky. So I like how you used the word "shove" as it was quite original and fit the idea well.
"of brilliant blue flashes of lightning." I like the alliteration. However, I think "of brilliant blue lightning" would sound better.
"Sand turns into molten lava," I have to agree with Othello on this. However, I like the transition it creates after talking about the sand. If you'll pardon the pun, it really makes this part flow into the next.
"I beg you, hear my plea…/Rid me of this cursed blood." The ellipsis isn't setting right with me. The way it trails off makes it sound like the narrator is uncertain (at least to me), and I highly doubt that's what you were going for. I did like how you singled out the phrase "cursed blood" with the shorter stanza.
"my smoldering blood/char the beautiful Earth." Nice imagery and use of the previous comparison of blood to lava.
"With your hands,/end my mortal pain;/Create this world anew." Ack, angst overload. Anyway, this seems to serve as a climax to the poem, so it's good that you made it shorter to draw attention to it.
"in ecstasy…" Okay, /now/ I like the uncertainty of the ellipsis. It intensifies the narrator's longing for this.
So in conclusion: I'm not a huge fan of angst, but I definitely think you did well with this poem. At least you applied it to something different than the typical teenaged angst. You also used some lovely imagery and wording that made this worth reading and writing this epic review for. Beautiful work!
2dragonflydreamerCongrats on winning the Review Marathon! Here is your prize review!
Wow, this is an amazing poem. It is definitely beyond my poetical reviewing abilities (which lie somewhere between zero and none :p), but I will do my best!
"by pouring parched grains/of sand down my throat." Lovely imagery here. I found your use of the word "parched" interesting. Sand is usually thought of as dry, so the word intensified the feeling a lot. Also because you used it so closely to the word "throat," yet wasn't applying it to that.
"shove thunderclouds over me" Clouds are usually portrayed as light; floating or rolling through the sky. So I like how you used the word "shove" as it was quite original and fit the idea well.
"of brilliant blue flashes of lightning." I like the alliteration. However, I think "of brilliant blue lightning" would sound better.
"Sand turns into molten lava," I have to agree with Othello on this. However, I like the transition it creates after talking about the sand. If you'll pardon the pun, it really makes this part flow into the next.
"I beg you, hear my plea…/Rid me of this cursed blood." The ellipsis isn't setting right with me. The way it trails off makes it sound like the narrator is uncertain (at least to me), and I highly doubt that's what you were going for. I did like how you singled out the phrase "cursed blood" with the shorter stanza.
"my smoldering blood/char the beautiful Earth." Nice imagery and use of the previous comparison of blood to lava.
"With your hands,/end my mortal pain;/Create this world anew." Ack, angst overload. Anyway, this seems to serve as a climax to the poem, so it's good that you made it shorter to draw attention to it.
"in ecstasy…" Okay, /now/ I like the uncertainty of the ellipsis. It intensifies the narrator's longing for this.
So in conclusion: I'm not a huge fan of angst, but I definitely think you did well with this poem. At least you applied it to something different than the typical teenaged angst. You also used some lovely imagery and wording that made this worth reading and writing this epic review for. Beautiful work!
8/20/2008 c1 Counting Petals
Hello, RM winner! -waves-
I love this because of the images it evokes. They were very creepy - and almost beautiful, in a way - but they were also very well done, so I commend you for that. I also didn't find the end of the second stanza clunky, but maybe that's just me...
The only thing that really nagged at me was the line "Sand turns into molten lava" because I was under the impression that sand turned into glass when it was heated enough...though I guess the image of sand turning into glass doesn't really fit the poem nearly so well. ;)
Hello, RM winner! -waves-
I love this because of the images it evokes. They were very creepy - and almost beautiful, in a way - but they were also very well done, so I commend you for that. I also didn't find the end of the second stanza clunky, but maybe that's just me...
The only thing that really nagged at me was the line "Sand turns into molten lava" because I was under the impression that sand turned into glass when it was heated enough...though I guess the image of sand turning into glass doesn't really fit the poem nearly so well. ;)
8/18/2008 c1 May Elizabeth
I have to say I really like this piece. It's really original and unique. Keep up the good work. Peace.
I have to say I really like this piece. It's really original and unique. Keep up the good work. Peace.
8/18/2008 c1 63yanz
Out of all your poetry, I think this one caught my eye and interest the most. I find it really creepy and disturbing from the first line all the way to the end, so the effect of your words and imagery works.
I wouldn't say horror would really fit this... I think you should just stick with angst/supernatural.
Oh and thanks for your reviews as well!
63yanzOut of all your poetry, I think this one caught my eye and interest the most. I find it really creepy and disturbing from the first line all the way to the end, so the effect of your words and imagery works.
I wouldn't say horror would really fit this... I think you should just stick with angst/supernatural.
Oh and thanks for your reviews as well!
8/11/2008 c1 noroomforspace
I don't normally review poetry (I don't normally -read- poetry), but this did manage to catch my attention. The imagery is grand, and the flow is superb as well. It has good cadence, up until that last stanza, which you noted having problems with. My suggestion: add some kind of adjective before "ecstasy." Possibly one that can be said with two or more syllables.
As for your genre issue, Supernatural is a little out of place, but horror doesn't seem to fit either. Perhaps just leave it as "angst"?
I don't normally review poetry (I don't normally -read- poetry), but this did manage to catch my attention. The imagery is grand, and the flow is superb as well. It has good cadence, up until that last stanza, which you noted having problems with. My suggestion: add some kind of adjective before "ecstasy." Possibly one that can be said with two or more syllables.
As for your genre issue, Supernatural is a little out of place, but horror doesn't seem to fit either. Perhaps just leave it as "angst"?
7/5/2008 c1 Isca
"With your hands, end my mortal pain." I like the idea that we need someone to stop our pain for us, because we cannot heal ourselves. A thought-provoking piece.
"With your hands, end my mortal pain." I like the idea that we need someone to stop our pain for us, because we cannot heal ourselves. A thought-provoking piece.
6/26/2008 c1 113403 Forbidden
The bout of evilness was a hidden blessing. This is really good. I love the imagery in this. The creepiness didn't really bother me because it was done tastefully. I love the image of blue lightning, but I feel the line itself was a bit clunky. Perhaps if you re-worded it the poem would flow better. I definitely felt the vampire metaphor in this. The last line is absolutely perfect, there is no need to worry about it.
-Peace out.
113403 ForbiddenThe bout of evilness was a hidden blessing. This is really good. I love the imagery in this. The creepiness didn't really bother me because it was done tastefully. I love the image of blue lightning, but I feel the line itself was a bit clunky. Perhaps if you re-worded it the poem would flow better. I definitely felt the vampire metaphor in this. The last line is absolutely perfect, there is no need to worry about it.
-Peace out.
6/20/2008 c1 10Caecilia
I'm glad for that 'rush of evilness'. I really like this. It's kinda creepy and I love your imagery. I like how you said the lightning was blue; most people don't think of it like that.
I think for the last line 'in a different form all over again/in ecstasy' 'in ecstasy' sounds better than 'with ecstasy'. But I think it just sounds better so... yeah. Amazing poem...
10CaeciliaI'm glad for that 'rush of evilness'. I really like this. It's kinda creepy and I love your imagery. I like how you said the lightning was blue; most people don't think of it like that.
I think for the last line 'in a different form all over again/in ecstasy' 'in ecstasy' sounds better than 'with ecstasy'. But I think it just sounds better so... yeah. Amazing poem...
6/19/2008 c1 16Dolvich
Silv3rDr34mS-
First off, angst isn't really my thing. But still, I got to say, nifty. I like the imagery. It's a bit confusing, but a lot of things confuse me, so I won't hold that against you. Don't worry about what you wrote being freaky, sometimes it happens that way. But I liked it.
And I think you wrote it right, "in ecstasy". Other than that, and the period after the "create this world anew" that's what I got.
Well done.
16DolvichSilv3rDr34mS-
First off, angst isn't really my thing. But still, I got to say, nifty. I like the imagery. It's a bit confusing, but a lot of things confuse me, so I won't hold that against you. Don't worry about what you wrote being freaky, sometimes it happens that way. But I liked it.
And I think you wrote it right, "in ecstasy". Other than that, and the period after the "create this world anew" that's what I got.
Well done.