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for Eat A Pesh

10/2/2008 c2 9faerie-gumdrops
Another great chapter :) I shall try to give you some CC to try and be helpful (although you really don't need it!) Corrections in these guys: [], but yeah take everything with a pinch of salt :)

“Yes, you were like a small child on Christmas, only a tad less bearable[,]” [s]he drily noted.'

'Of course he still needed to heed speeding yellow taxis, but at least one could walk on the sidewalk without being shoved. Superb.' Hehe, Oxford Street's the same over here. It's nice to be able to walk without crashing!

'“No, they call me Number 34.067[,]" was the sarcastic response. Pesh cast a sideways glance at her. Her face was a neutral mask.' Hehe, I do love sarcasm.

'“It will shock you to find out how clever I truly am[,]” the girl replied in a deadpanned voice.'

'Using abbrevs are we? I’m obv mad jeal of ur abbrevs' I love him!

'And that proves to be the tiresome fact about nonconformists—they don’t realize that there are others like them. And when they meet said others they experience a personality crisis. If only they would just get over themselves…' True true! Your writing style is amazing!

'I’m a whore.” She exited the room.' Ooh great ending!
10/2/2008 c1 faerie-gumdrops
I love the tone of this, especially the first paragraph, which was brilliant.

Also, the mystery is great, like at the end where it brings up that Pesh has left somewhere behind that he doesn't want to think about. Interesting! Also, this blonde girl is fun - I love that he is going to stay with her, but doesn't even know her name yet.

Hehe and New York! I went there for the first time this summer, and felt exactly the same way that he did!

Looking forward to seeing where this goes!
9/18/2008 c2 64fatbird33
O damn! surprise ending! awesome opening in this chappie. very deep. loved the lotr reference. woot!
9/18/2008 c1 fatbird33
aw it's super cute. this should be interesting...*reads on*
8/19/2008 c1 Malcolm
Extremely descriptive but rather confusing in the beginning. Only when you mentioned an Ipod did it show the real era, when earlier it seemed that this was taking place in an earlier time period, 20s like the hat you mentioned. Very nice touch of humor. I will enjoy reading more of your work if you will grace us with it
8/12/2008 c2 10Koki Enwai
Ah, very nice style. I really like it.

- Koki
6/18/2008 c1 Ashelin Efflorescence
Okay...

Try not to spend too much time describing extras. That is, unless they're going to become a significant part of the story. Oh, there are also a few typos. You might want to read it over and fix those. But what do I know?

Besides that, I think you set up an interesting scenario. The girl in particular was very memorable. I don't think the cursing is a big issue; after all, that's how kids talk. It's real.
6/17/2008 c1 35Liam02
Hey, it's me. Again.

I believe I was your beta reader.

If so, I'm doing a total horse crap job and for that I apologize. Anyway, I like this. I really do. You did a great job at introducing the characters very quickly, and tastefully. The only thing you need to be aware of is the cursing.

I feel like I've wrote this before.

Holy crap, did I write this before?

I think I did.

Lemme go check.

...okay, never mind. I can't. But anyway, there's some distasteful cursing you might want to think about. Just some seemingly random f bombs. But otherwise, I like it a lot.

Write more and maybe I can leave you a review I haven't already left?...
5/13/2008 c1 95Christy Leigh Stewart
Very well done, your style is very romantic.
5/12/2008 c1 1Gemma Lovell
Please update, Rice. I need to read more!

Love you,

Dice
4/27/2008 c1 3dorothyinthedark
This is a really hot chapter. Can't wait for more! C:
4/24/2008 c1 Nick
why can't i write like this?

this is a great story. i can't wait to see more of it :)

you're really talented, you know.

loved the "infinite" line haha

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