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for Lost Paradise

4/28/2009 c1 368EWindheim
Great images and voice. I love this line: "Life isn’t written up in concrete, it’s engraved as life remains."
12/28/2008 c1 26killer syntax
There is nothing I love more than reading your poems! You are simply an outstanding poet and writer. I look forward to continuing to read your work!
6/1/2008 c1 11La Demoiselle Aline
A well written poem, everything in there was so clear, I could practically see it. Great work!
5/20/2008 c1 612simpleplan13
Masked behind a sick skin of guilty pleasure,/One-sided love… and guilty pleasure... not sure why you repeated that phrase...

I'm not sure if this was on purpose, but after semi-colons the next word is not capitalized.

I like this. You have some really great word choices and I like the repetition of I'm empty and I really like your descriptions. The only thing that confused me was all of the sudden going to she. Was it the same as the you or is it a different person?
4/28/2008 c1 82Billie.Joelle
Lurid Black, good to hear from you again. I was beginning to think you'd left the site! I would have cried. But, you are back and with a bang, no less. Amazing, again. Flows well, ends well, is, well, amazing! Good job. Can't wait for more!

4/28/2008 c1 43lookin4nemo
YAY! Mr. Black is back! wonderful piece many can relate! "Void of any feelings, with a dismal jealousy..." wonderful. Ur words always seem to fit one another. I tell ya when i checked my e-mail five minutes ago and scroll down for any fictionpress stories.. and i see ur name I jump outta my chair and quickly grab the mouse to click on it. and yet again my thirst for ur perfect words is satisfied.

4/28/2008 c1 76Kaia Zeffirelli
Yay! You're back! lol. Wow- this is awesomazimg! ;D If this is true, (I hope it isn't!) I know exactly how you feel... Great description and word choice- excellent rhythm. I love the lines, "Life isn't written up in concrete, it's engraved as life remains./She's go the world under strings, manipulated by her fingertips." Great job, as always! Keep it up- can't wait for the next one!

-KZ ;)
4/28/2008 c1 Fragile Things
~She’s got the world under strings, manipulated by her fingertips.~


everything was so right about this poem, great job.
4/28/2008 c1 81Princess-anna57
Well written. Keep it up.


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