Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for I am Hope The Deciever

8/13/2008 c1 4Hypnosa
This is lovely. It is so pure, and the words themselves produce so many images in my head. It's a strong and honest message and you've caught the moments where /hope/ hurts people most. Great job!
6/22/2008 c1 395softersin
I LOVED this.

Adding to my favorites.

Very well used words.

I just loved it.

Favorite line; "I am the reason you don’t use your razorblades just for shaving your legs"

Keep it up !
5/14/2008 c1 14Thoughtful Silence
I thought that this was really good. The repetition of 'I am' serves to emphasise the potency of pain conveyed in this, and the last two lines were effective (though as others have said, the typo detracts from this somewhat... though that didn't really bother me). You've expressed feelings that most have felt which is harder to do than one would think. Good job! One thing though-

I am the one who hides behind the word faith,

I am advocate to the believer

I didn't like this addition as it integrated a differing theme to your previous, effective lines, and I think your poem would be even better without it.

-Thoughtful
5/9/2008 c1 15Scarlett Wynter
I like how you start out describing hope and it's impact on teen love and then move on to marriage and divorce. It just shows how we all hope for true love, but heartache and betrayal also lurk close by.

eek! you spelt "your" wrong! it should be "you're". and I'm not sure what you meant by "humanely" it doesn't really make sense in that line, that was the only confusing part to me. watch out for those typos.

nice work!
5/7/2008 c1 13Aiis
I really liked the different images for each of the "I am" lines, they really give a sense of the hurt and the pain you try to convey. And I also like how you broke the constant "I am" pattern somewhat, at the end, because after a while it was getting rather repetitive. I really like the first line, and the last 4 lines of the poem. good job!

-oh and one thing: in the line "I am the twelve thousand tears..", there's a minor error: 'cried' is spelled wrong.
5/7/2008 c1 103Jesse the Storyteller
"humanely" is spelled wrong. Humanly. Humanely is like... "They killed the dogs as humane-ly as possible." Which - maybe that's what you meant, but if so it doesn't make any sense.

You killed the potency in the last line by spelling "you're" wrong.

So I was about to write this thing about how I don't understand your poem, but I do now. The part I DON'T understand is what the three lines BEFORE "I am the one they call hope" have to do with anything. Each line in the beginning is about a failed expectation, a broken hope, and I connect with that so deeply. However, I don't understand what "I am the one who hides behind the word faith / I am advocate to the believer" have to do with anything, since all of the beginning examples have to do with romantic relationships (except the one about razorblades) and you're trying to make it about religion. o.O

Without those, this would be such a powerful poem about broken hope and how painful it is to hope for something... something I've gone through a thousand times and probably have one too many angsty poems about it... but I don't see the religion twist since all the examples you give are about relationships.

-Jesse

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service