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for Breaking Brian Deacon

3/9/2009 c21 1SheRomantic4EverLove
3/8/2009 c1 benzene
I enjoyed the story line. However things got a bit fuzzy when they decided to make their relationship a secret. I still don't know if I found that believable. He didn't care about his father enough. He even stated once that he wished his parents had a divorce. So why would he care about the arguing between his parents? I would think that the startling news would make him more comfortable because it finally explained why his father was never home.

I also don't agree with the father's reaction to the sex scene. Would he have immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were still together? Could he have thought that maybe it was heated moment etc?

As for the end bit, I do not find that believable as well. If Maggie had in fact lost her cell phone, she could have easily replaced it and kept her same number. I also feel that they could have contacted each other via Facebook. They were both at college at the point and as we can tell from the last bit. It is also fair to assume that he has access to the internet and computers even on his campus to be able to do school work. Therefore Brian could have easily found her on Facebook or written an email to her old account. He could have also contacted her friend or his friends back home.

But I am looking forward to the second part besides my misgivings of the tale toward the end.
3/8/2009 c2 SheRomantic4EverLove
this story look ver succesful! keep going!
3/7/2009 c2 3naughty little munchkin
Hey, cute story idea you've got going here. I confess that I've read both your 'Bloodlust' and 'Don't Make a Scene' stories and I really enjoyed them, so I thought I'd check out what else you've got.

You write really well. Everything flows nicely together and definitely made me want to read on. I haven't heard of too many girls specifically avoiding Valentine's Day so good job on originality :)

Just one thing though, when I read the beginning I felt that I wasn't reading about a 5 or 6 year old. She sounded too mature, especially in the first grade scene... and particularly when she thinks that 'Brian needed to get a grip'. I could have been reading about a 25 year old for all I knew! I think you should try and add some more childish behaviour or childish thoughts. Dumb down your writing or something to that effect.

Otherwise, good stuff. Am looking forward to the rest :)

3/6/2009 c25 Closed Account Sorry Pal
Oh wow, this chapter is sad, im guessing that someone is keeping them apart, that sucks for them, and they both think there hated too.
3/4/2009 c10 written
very cute so far! and it would be kinda cute, if inappropriate, if they showed up in bikinis... but I am assuming that won't happen.

it's nice to see them as friends, by the way. i think the speed is believable.
3/4/2009 c25 8Dancing In Magic
This story is ah-freakin'-mazing! You are an incredibly talented writer, I read your bio today and whenever possible, you seriously need another part to this story! It's not right for Brian and Maggie to not be together, but your health and other things are more important I guess, I'll imagine a nice little ending for them. Great job, you incredible author! This story WILL get published! Keep it up! (Although, I don't know how it can go more "up", its already perfect, just maybe a different ending!) :D
3/4/2009 c25 Liz
Hey, i really love this story, i check for updates everyday. I really want more! are you planning on updating soon? My e-mail is please let me know asap
3/3/2009 c25 autumn-annette-19
Whats next, whats next?
3/2/2009 c9 written
ugh, his dad is such a jerk! but i like his mother :) she seems as I imagined her to be.

good chapter!
3/2/2009 c8 written
(“Oh. My. God. Have you heard? Brian and Maggie are finally dating!”

“Nuh uh. I heard that she drove Brian out into the middle of nowhere and left him to fend for himself. Like a test, or something. You know, to prove how much he likes her.”

“That’s stupid. Who’d you hear that from?”

“Um… I thought I heard it from you.”)

haha. very cute and funny.

and aww, that bit about her mom was really sad. I wonder if this guy will show up in her life again? i also wonder if her mom's advice will show up again later... like if she gets mad at brian for any reason.
2/28/2009 c7 written
I think maggie is just fine, personally, but it's okay to write a main character that people don't like... like jane austen's emma! haha.

also, gretchen is kind of amazing. like, seriously.

aand that's all the reading I can do for today... homework beckons!
2/28/2009 c6 written
I liked this insight into maggie's personality. it makes sense why she wouldn't jump to be with him, in this light.
2/28/2009 c5 written
I am SURE I've read this before, but I can't remember if I ever got this far. I have this bad habit of beginning to read a story and then forgetting about it when school gets busy.

so anyway, here are my thoughts for now.

1. I really love the way you write. i mean, you must hear this a lot, but your style has an... edge to it. it's good.

2. I think I would be like Maggie too, I mean, at least for a little while. though brian is cute and sweet, if I were her, I'd be too weirded out to ever say yes. I think if he chilled out for a while, I'd probably consider him though... but I'm not maggie.

but yeah, it's not unrealistic.

3. I like the bits about his handwriting and his mom writing for him. so cute.

thanks for writing! this time, I'm going to read up to the end, because I am honestly hooked.
2/27/2009 c25 2MamiPapi
Oh goodness, Celeste is such an idiot. What right does she or Deacon have in intercepting their letters and communication?
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