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5/17/2008 c1 91fairytale failure
chapter one - I like the idea, how your phone can keep you from being lonely. One problem is in the last two lines; if you read it over they do not exactly make sense. Maybe change it to something like 'just wanted to speak' in L3 instead?

chapter two - This is a great metaphor, I think it is very original and I like how you extended it to 'without you, I'd collapse into a heap".

chapter three - I really like stanzas three and four, and the end is good too although it is slightly predictable. I especially like the idea of black and white blurring into grey.

One suggestion, 'No doubting it's true' sounds slightly awkward; you could consider 'No doubt that it's true' instead.
5/9/2008 c1 94AK the Twilight
Rhyming is tough; a single mistep can cripple an otherwise good poem. Does this poem suffer? Well, no. It manages to be a bit rough around the edges and it doesn't take a ton of chances. It seems very...well...basic.

It's short and doesn't seem to make anything new. That's not to say it's bad, because it isn't. If it was longer with some more intricate language, it could be even better. Just try to experiment with the language and tempo next time. This was a fun read and had a lot of meaning, but mechanically, it felt a little flat. Good job with this.

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