Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Immortality

5/18/2008 c1 1AyumiYuy
I have to agree with Jaime that the line spacing at the end of the story was hard to read. Paying careful attention, of course, it made sense, but it would be much more fluent another way.

Other than that, you have a way with words. =)
5/14/2008 c1 4Alex Price
“Where the devil are you going?” He chuckled darkly,

“To learn how to die.”

You've missplaced his reaction. It isn't in the same paragraph as his comment. I would move it like this -

“Where the devil are you going?”

He chuckled darkly, “To learn how to die.”
5/14/2008 c1 3ElevatorMusic
I liked it. :) I didn't find it funny but i would be quite interested if this was a story. your pename is now on my favourites list. ^^

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service