for The Only One to Care5/17/2008 c1 R
Nice story. It flowed really well, didn't sound like writing, more like story telling. IDK, it's hard to explain the difference to me between good writing and not as good, but yours was good.
There were a couple of spelling and grammer mistakes, but I read this story yesterday, so I don't remember where they are. There was also a realy
long sentence, not sure if you want that.
Could we also know more about Bryon? And more interaction when ever Amara goes to Bryon's house to recover (the in-between stage)
Nice story. It flowed really well, didn't sound like writing, more like story telling. IDK, it's hard to explain the difference to me between good writing and not as good, but yours was good.
There were a couple of spelling and grammer mistakes, but I read this story yesterday, so I don't remember where they are. There was also a realy
long sentence, not sure if you want that.
Could we also know more about Bryon? And more interaction when ever Amara goes to Bryon's house to recover (the in-between stage)
5/16/2008 c1 rbzodiac612
Well now. It's..."pleasant"...xD
I wish I knew why Bryan "kind of" likes Amara(and vice-versa). It's a little bit like just his sympathy/empathy, and her gratitude...so it feels like they don't know each other well enough to have that mutual attraction. It's not as if she has some spunky-deep-down personality that caught his eye, or he has some endearing quirk that makes him different from any other person who would care about Amara and take care of her the same way.
Though if there were some more character-focused and not necessary plot-focused dialogue, I suppose you could change that.
I'm not gonna talk about the length, because you probably already know about that...and since I THINK you're handing this in...?
Ahahaha, sorry I'm tired and cranky right now. So I sound really mean 'cause it's like 11 PM. :)
Well now. It's..."pleasant"...xD
I wish I knew why Bryan "kind of" likes Amara(and vice-versa). It's a little bit like just his sympathy/empathy, and her gratitude...so it feels like they don't know each other well enough to have that mutual attraction. It's not as if she has some spunky-deep-down personality that caught his eye, or he has some endearing quirk that makes him different from any other person who would care about Amara and take care of her the same way.
Though if there were some more character-focused and not necessary plot-focused dialogue, I suppose you could change that.
I'm not gonna talk about the length, because you probably already know about that...and since I THINK you're handing this in...?
Ahahaha, sorry I'm tired and cranky right now. So I sound really mean 'cause it's like 11 PM. :)
5/16/2008 c1 
23Hypa To Hell And Back
its really sweet i like it alot a few mistakes in there though so give it the once over to just tidy it up ok^_^
23Hypa To Hell And Backits really sweet i like it alot a few mistakes in there though so give it the once over to just tidy it up ok^_^
5/15/2008 c1 10xilaberry101
I think its a great start, but its moving WAY to fast. i feel like you could have extended this and made it into three or four shorter chapters and it would have been better.
10xilaberry101I think its a great start, but its moving WAY to fast. i feel like you could have extended this and made it into three or four shorter chapters and it would have been better.