for When Normalcy is Out of Your Reach9/23/2015 c1 
1MiracleGillespie
Hi Jessica!
First I wanted to apologize because I only review today-and your story is posted years ago xD-Tell you what, I became really fond of this story and inspire me to continue writing mine :) I've known Normalcy from a mutual friend-*coughsWillcoughs*-she told me about it and I found it from her list of favorites. I do not know if you still open this acct of yours but even if the chance that you'll read this is small I will still post it because I am really happy that I got a chance to read this. For me it's smooth and perfect, though minor errors cannot be helped but that's fine and that's not what I am concentrated on.
I already had an idea how this ends so thanks a lot for bringing this to life! Ahahaha, not literally. :)
- Cadi
1MiracleGillespieHi Jessica!
First I wanted to apologize because I only review today-and your story is posted years ago xD-Tell you what, I became really fond of this story and inspire me to continue writing mine :) I've known Normalcy from a mutual friend-*coughsWillcoughs*-she told me about it and I found it from her list of favorites. I do not know if you still open this acct of yours but even if the chance that you'll read this is small I will still post it because I am really happy that I got a chance to read this. For me it's smooth and perfect, though minor errors cannot be helped but that's fine and that's not what I am concentrated on.
I already had an idea how this ends so thanks a lot for bringing this to life! Ahahaha, not literally. :)
- Cadi
2/19/2013 c17 The NeverEnding Nightmare
This chapter was great! Bringing Ashton into it was a great twist in the story!
This chapter was great! Bringing Ashton into it was a great twist in the story!
4/26/2011 c16 9Vilstrup
That was a good chapter
Cya later ;)
KIDDING… just joking :p… gotta have a joke in the world sometimes, otherwise it’s just grey and cold. Now, let’s not get off topic here… I know what’s important and what I want to discuss in this chapter… your shoes!
SLAM!
Sorry about that, think I got gremlins in the house… anyway, if I can keep them at bay for now, I’ll review this chapter of yours. But first, before we start on that, I’d like say thank you, for you continuing on this story. Wait, hold on.
SLAM!
Gotcha!
Well yes, there are a lot of good stories out there on the internet, but when you start watching a movie, whether it be good or bad, dumb or genius, you stick to the end, so you can develop your opinion and then smack the movie down with a giant hammer. I’m doing the same here, except the smacking-down-with-a-giant-hammer-part of cause (your story ain’t bad enough for such an effort).
Anyway, without any more small talk, let’s dive right into chapter 16… ehh 15… eeh the chapter “The Unexpected Reunion”.
Okay, we got Roxy, Seth, Lloyd and… a fourth person, who I will not mention. Roxy is angry… so would I if I had to go to a welcome party, after having spent a few hours doing this and that for the media. As for Seth… he seems to have become more of a… friend. He looks after her, helps her, but isn’t as strict towards her as her previous father was, or Lloyd is. However, I find this chapter amusing. Not because of whom she meets, or because of what happens at the party. But because of how Roxy feels towards Lloyd. That she actually, as she so elegantly put it “freakin’ melted”. It’s amusing to see how “pissed off” she is at that. Even though she is clearly attracted to him, she tries to smack his egocentric arse down. And that is were this story is more different than other stories in this genre. Where, sorry to mention it, Twillight looks more at the secret world, and the battle between bad vampires and good vampires and werewolves, and a nauseating love story that seems to perfect to even exist, your story is far more entertaining. There are no battles, there is a will-strong girl, thrown into a world she didn’t think existed, nor wants to be a part of. And then she has to tolerate an arse of a vampire. Reminds me, we haven’t seen Lloyd feed at all so far… wonder what he does…
But as for the chapter in whole, it has, few mistakes, though I would advise you to read it through again for any mistakes. As for the plot, it’s folding out nicely. All in all, a shiny little chapter, in a shiny long story. Wonder how it ends, hmm….
Now for the things that you need to work on… well, that depends on the point of view of cause, but from my perspective there is a few things.
Actually, I think there’s only one issue that I’m going to address; description, which of cause, can be split into two sub-issues, character description and environmental description. If we go into the first sub-issue which is character description, I am most impressed by how to tell us, how Roxy is dressed. However, what about Lloyd? What about Seth? What about the guests? What about the fourth character that enters at the end of the chapter? What are they wearing? They might as well be wearing a long trenchcoat with an old cowboy hat, for all I know, or be completely naked… pick one. This is where you can develop, because I see how you should develop in the other areas, not in grammar, nor in plot, nor in character personality description. But you can work on your character description when it comes to clothing; maybe even go into even more details about the characters. But essentially, it’s up to you how much you want to describe your characters.
But what about the environment? Well, guess what my first question is gonna be… that’s right, “what kind of house are we talking about?” Yes, I get it, that it is big, because it defiantly has a balcony (Roxy’s sanctum) but I have no idea whether it is a tall skyscraper or a big nice mansion. Throw me a bone here. But, I can go even further into the depth of things. What colour is the curtain? Is it thick and heavy? What kind of music is there? What kind is the floor, the walls, the ceiling? Is there paintings on the wall, is it an old traditional, “british” aristocratic party, or is it a bit more, into the present with a DJ and fancy lights in the ceiling? I think I made my point, though the buffet table, the old people, and the marble balcony, goes into the direction of an old mansion, with the party being an old aristocratic classic one, with live music and fine food, and far away from New York City. Yes, I am aware that it probably is Lloyd’s Mansion the party is being held at, which you describe in the first part of the chapter… but, you don’t really give a hint (or maybe you do) towards whether the party is held at the same mansion, or another place. I need more description, and I just absolutely love stressing it :D
But as far, as enjoyable, this chapter definitely lived up to the task, but of cause there’ll always be a few things you can correct, 1) because we can’t be perfect and 2) because, a review of a perfect story is as meaningless as the line “this story is good”. Ohh, how I hate reviews like that, they are simply too short, and doesn’t tell you what the reader enjoyed about the story/chapter. Anyway, keep up the good work, and onward for me to chapter 17… ehh 16… the chapter after this chapter!
9VilstrupThat was a good chapter
Cya later ;)
KIDDING… just joking :p… gotta have a joke in the world sometimes, otherwise it’s just grey and cold. Now, let’s not get off topic here… I know what’s important and what I want to discuss in this chapter… your shoes!
SLAM!
Sorry about that, think I got gremlins in the house… anyway, if I can keep them at bay for now, I’ll review this chapter of yours. But first, before we start on that, I’d like say thank you, for you continuing on this story. Wait, hold on.
SLAM!
Gotcha!
Well yes, there are a lot of good stories out there on the internet, but when you start watching a movie, whether it be good or bad, dumb or genius, you stick to the end, so you can develop your opinion and then smack the movie down with a giant hammer. I’m doing the same here, except the smacking-down-with-a-giant-hammer-part of cause (your story ain’t bad enough for such an effort).
Anyway, without any more small talk, let’s dive right into chapter 16… ehh 15… eeh the chapter “The Unexpected Reunion”.
Okay, we got Roxy, Seth, Lloyd and… a fourth person, who I will not mention. Roxy is angry… so would I if I had to go to a welcome party, after having spent a few hours doing this and that for the media. As for Seth… he seems to have become more of a… friend. He looks after her, helps her, but isn’t as strict towards her as her previous father was, or Lloyd is. However, I find this chapter amusing. Not because of whom she meets, or because of what happens at the party. But because of how Roxy feels towards Lloyd. That she actually, as she so elegantly put it “freakin’ melted”. It’s amusing to see how “pissed off” she is at that. Even though she is clearly attracted to him, she tries to smack his egocentric arse down. And that is were this story is more different than other stories in this genre. Where, sorry to mention it, Twillight looks more at the secret world, and the battle between bad vampires and good vampires and werewolves, and a nauseating love story that seems to perfect to even exist, your story is far more entertaining. There are no battles, there is a will-strong girl, thrown into a world she didn’t think existed, nor wants to be a part of. And then she has to tolerate an arse of a vampire. Reminds me, we haven’t seen Lloyd feed at all so far… wonder what he does…
But as for the chapter in whole, it has, few mistakes, though I would advise you to read it through again for any mistakes. As for the plot, it’s folding out nicely. All in all, a shiny little chapter, in a shiny long story. Wonder how it ends, hmm….
Now for the things that you need to work on… well, that depends on the point of view of cause, but from my perspective there is a few things.
Actually, I think there’s only one issue that I’m going to address; description, which of cause, can be split into two sub-issues, character description and environmental description. If we go into the first sub-issue which is character description, I am most impressed by how to tell us, how Roxy is dressed. However, what about Lloyd? What about Seth? What about the guests? What about the fourth character that enters at the end of the chapter? What are they wearing? They might as well be wearing a long trenchcoat with an old cowboy hat, for all I know, or be completely naked… pick one. This is where you can develop, because I see how you should develop in the other areas, not in grammar, nor in plot, nor in character personality description. But you can work on your character description when it comes to clothing; maybe even go into even more details about the characters. But essentially, it’s up to you how much you want to describe your characters.
But what about the environment? Well, guess what my first question is gonna be… that’s right, “what kind of house are we talking about?” Yes, I get it, that it is big, because it defiantly has a balcony (Roxy’s sanctum) but I have no idea whether it is a tall skyscraper or a big nice mansion. Throw me a bone here. But, I can go even further into the depth of things. What colour is the curtain? Is it thick and heavy? What kind of music is there? What kind is the floor, the walls, the ceiling? Is there paintings on the wall, is it an old traditional, “british” aristocratic party, or is it a bit more, into the present with a DJ and fancy lights in the ceiling? I think I made my point, though the buffet table, the old people, and the marble balcony, goes into the direction of an old mansion, with the party being an old aristocratic classic one, with live music and fine food, and far away from New York City. Yes, I am aware that it probably is Lloyd’s Mansion the party is being held at, which you describe in the first part of the chapter… but, you don’t really give a hint (or maybe you do) towards whether the party is held at the same mansion, or another place. I need more description, and I just absolutely love stressing it :D
But as far, as enjoyable, this chapter definitely lived up to the task, but of cause there’ll always be a few things you can correct, 1) because we can’t be perfect and 2) because, a review of a perfect story is as meaningless as the line “this story is good”. Ohh, how I hate reviews like that, they are simply too short, and doesn’t tell you what the reader enjoyed about the story/chapter. Anyway, keep up the good work, and onward for me to chapter 17… ehh 16… the chapter after this chapter!
4/22/2011 c3 17Lady of romance world88
Hi. It's so beautiful chapter and I love it. :) So this is the vampire story? Thats sound so interesting. :) I am so glad that Ashton, Jenny and Roxanne went to mcdonald for snack and chat. :D OMG Lloyd is the famous tv show star. Thats so cool. :D I am wonder why does Lloyd and Seth using their faking names when they are around humans? *curiously* OMG Roxanne made Lloyd felt so embarressment and humilated over her. Poor Lloyd. :( I am so glad that Seth and Ashton find it so funny. :D OMG Maxy is holding for hostage. Poor Maxy. :( I am wonder who taught Roxanne how to use weapons and being fighter? *curiously* I am so glad that Roxanne attack Atkin and going to slash his partner. Yay. :D Go for it, Roxanne. *thumb up* I am wonder if Atkins and his partner are vampires? *curiously* I am wonder who are Sappire, Destiny and Yvonne? *curiously* I am wonder who's Nathan? *curiously* I am hope that Roxanne'll rescue Maxy from those greed and selfish vampires. *hopeful smile* I am wonder if Lloyd and Roxanne will meet again later on in this story? *curiously* It's amazing chapter and I am enjoy read this story. I love it. And I am taking break now but I will read the rest of your story tomorrow. :D
17Lady of romance world88Hi. It's so beautiful chapter and I love it. :) So this is the vampire story? Thats sound so interesting. :) I am so glad that Ashton, Jenny and Roxanne went to mcdonald for snack and chat. :D OMG Lloyd is the famous tv show star. Thats so cool. :D I am wonder why does Lloyd and Seth using their faking names when they are around humans? *curiously* OMG Roxanne made Lloyd felt so embarressment and humilated over her. Poor Lloyd. :( I am so glad that Seth and Ashton find it so funny. :D OMG Maxy is holding for hostage. Poor Maxy. :( I am wonder who taught Roxanne how to use weapons and being fighter? *curiously* I am so glad that Roxanne attack Atkin and going to slash his partner. Yay. :D Go for it, Roxanne. *thumb up* I am wonder if Atkins and his partner are vampires? *curiously* I am wonder who are Sappire, Destiny and Yvonne? *curiously* I am wonder who's Nathan? *curiously* I am hope that Roxanne'll rescue Maxy from those greed and selfish vampires. *hopeful smile* I am wonder if Lloyd and Roxanne will meet again later on in this story? *curiously* It's amazing chapter and I am enjoy read this story. I love it. And I am taking break now but I will read the rest of your story tomorrow. :D
4/22/2011 c2 Lady of romance world88
Hi. It's so beautiful chapter and I love it. :) I am so glad that Roxanne's okay. Phew. :) I am wonder who's Andrew? *curiously* I am wonder how old's Lloyd is? *curiously* What kind of job does Lloyd work as? *curiously* I am wonder why Roxanne always smoked and kept skip every time there's tests? *curiously* I think Roxanne should stop smoking because she'll get lung, cancer and difficult breaths later on in her life when she get older. *worried.* I am wonder why Roxanne always dump boys so much? Is it because she get boring with them? *curiously* OMG Brad insult on Roxanne. Poor Roxanne. :( I am so glad that Roxanne gave Brad a punishment what he done to her. Yay. :D I am wonder what happen to Roxanne's dad and his second wife? *curiously* It's not fair that Roxanne got detetion on her last day. Poor Roxanne. :( It's amazing chapter and I am enjoy read this story. I love it. I am off to read the next chapter now. :)
Hi. It's so beautiful chapter and I love it. :) I am so glad that Roxanne's okay. Phew. :) I am wonder who's Andrew? *curiously* I am wonder how old's Lloyd is? *curiously* What kind of job does Lloyd work as? *curiously* I am wonder why Roxanne always smoked and kept skip every time there's tests? *curiously* I think Roxanne should stop smoking because she'll get lung, cancer and difficult breaths later on in her life when she get older. *worried.* I am wonder why Roxanne always dump boys so much? Is it because she get boring with them? *curiously* OMG Brad insult on Roxanne. Poor Roxanne. :( I am so glad that Roxanne gave Brad a punishment what he done to her. Yay. :D I am wonder what happen to Roxanne's dad and his second wife? *curiously* It's not fair that Roxanne got detetion on her last day. Poor Roxanne. :( It's amazing chapter and I am enjoy read this story. I love it. I am off to read the next chapter now. :)
4/22/2011 c2 Kia
Just finished the second chapter and I am definitly hooked :)
You are getting me curious on what going to happen, keep up the good work :)
Just finished the second chapter and I am definitly hooked :)
You are getting me curious on what going to happen, keep up the good work :)
4/11/2011 c1 Lady of romance world88
Hi. It is so beautiful chapter and I love it. :) I don't expect that the first chapter definitely long. And I love it. :) This story sound so fairytale story. :D I am glad that Roxanne and Maxinne are very close sisters and always do everything together. Yay. :D I don't understand why Roxanne's dad is so cruel and mean toward her. Poor Roxanne. :( I am glad that Maxinne always there for Roxanne and support her through school. :) I am just wonder why Roxanne lost interest in study and sport but love to read a book? *curiously* I am sorry to hear that Roxanne and Maxinne lost their mother who die of cancer. Its touch time for Maxinne and Roxanne to struggle to get through those difficult times together. Poor Roxanne and Maxinne. :( I am glad that Roxanne have two wonderful best friends in the world are Jenny and Ashton. :) I am hope that Roxanne will take her study seriously so she can get out of the city and accept scholarship to uni in other country eg america or australia. :D I am so glad that Maxinne got in the uni that she really want and do well with her study. :) OMG Who's that mystery guy that Roxanne saw at Maxinne's party? *curiously* OMG Roxanne's dad married Victoria. I am wonder why? *curiously* OMG Roxanne's dad slap on her cheek and forbidden Maxinne to drive her to school. Poor Roxanne. :( OMG Something to hit Roxanne. Oh no. Thats bad. :( Hope that someone rescue Roxanne before its too late. *worried* It's amazing chapter and I am enjoy read this story. I love it. I am taking break but I definitely will read the rest of this story tomorrow. :)
Hi. It is so beautiful chapter and I love it. :) I don't expect that the first chapter definitely long. And I love it. :) This story sound so fairytale story. :D I am glad that Roxanne and Maxinne are very close sisters and always do everything together. Yay. :D I don't understand why Roxanne's dad is so cruel and mean toward her. Poor Roxanne. :( I am glad that Maxinne always there for Roxanne and support her through school. :) I am just wonder why Roxanne lost interest in study and sport but love to read a book? *curiously* I am sorry to hear that Roxanne and Maxinne lost their mother who die of cancer. Its touch time for Maxinne and Roxanne to struggle to get through those difficult times together. Poor Roxanne and Maxinne. :( I am glad that Roxanne have two wonderful best friends in the world are Jenny and Ashton. :) I am hope that Roxanne will take her study seriously so she can get out of the city and accept scholarship to uni in other country eg america or australia. :D I am so glad that Maxinne got in the uni that she really want and do well with her study. :) OMG Who's that mystery guy that Roxanne saw at Maxinne's party? *curiously* OMG Roxanne's dad married Victoria. I am wonder why? *curiously* OMG Roxanne's dad slap on her cheek and forbidden Maxinne to drive her to school. Poor Roxanne. :( OMG Something to hit Roxanne. Oh no. Thats bad. :( Hope that someone rescue Roxanne before its too late. *worried* It's amazing chapter and I am enjoy read this story. I love it. I am taking break but I definitely will read the rest of this story tomorrow. :)
5/31/2010 c15 9Vilstrup
Seems like a lifetime since I last gave a review... then again, I haven’t had the greatest of motivation lately.
Anyway, to the point... the chapter.
Let’s start… with the good things.
You don’t seem to have the greatest of problems with grammar or spelling… so that’s fine.
The reaction, which Roxy have towards the press is rather realistic… a terrible situation to find yourself in, after my opinion. I also like the way you describe how Roxy feels, at first, very uncomfortable because of the stares, but then horrified at the amount of people taking pictures and asking questions. Another thing is the amount of space she have, and how it suddenly decrease in size as the reporters push forward from all sides. You also describe well, how she feels claustrophobic and can’t breathe. It’s also interesting seeing that Roxy caught herself admiring Lloyd. And last but not least, I like the ending of the chapter… and probably the beginning of the next chapters ;D I’m guessing Roxy is gonna give Lloyd a punch for kissing her in front of the press… and practically in front of the whole world. That is gonna be an interesting chapter ;)
But is there something you can do better?
Well, the description could use a bit more of work, but otherwise I don’t really have anything to say at the moment about this part.
I hope you’ll get the next chapter up, unless of cause you have other, and more pressing matters to attend to.
Anyway, goodluck in the future and keep up the good work ;)
9VilstrupSeems like a lifetime since I last gave a review... then again, I haven’t had the greatest of motivation lately.
Anyway, to the point... the chapter.
Let’s start… with the good things.
You don’t seem to have the greatest of problems with grammar or spelling… so that’s fine.
The reaction, which Roxy have towards the press is rather realistic… a terrible situation to find yourself in, after my opinion. I also like the way you describe how Roxy feels, at first, very uncomfortable because of the stares, but then horrified at the amount of people taking pictures and asking questions. Another thing is the amount of space she have, and how it suddenly decrease in size as the reporters push forward from all sides. You also describe well, how she feels claustrophobic and can’t breathe. It’s also interesting seeing that Roxy caught herself admiring Lloyd. And last but not least, I like the ending of the chapter… and probably the beginning of the next chapters ;D I’m guessing Roxy is gonna give Lloyd a punch for kissing her in front of the press… and practically in front of the whole world. That is gonna be an interesting chapter ;)
But is there something you can do better?
Well, the description could use a bit more of work, but otherwise I don’t really have anything to say at the moment about this part.
I hope you’ll get the next chapter up, unless of cause you have other, and more pressing matters to attend to.
Anyway, goodluck in the future and keep up the good work ;)
4/27/2010 c2 3Zacharias11
It's a great story..
I'm kindda let up short though..
Anyway, i wanna say sorry to my last review since you're right, it was a stupid thing to do...
Ok then, happy writings... :)
3Zacharias11It's a great story..
I'm kindda let up short though..
Anyway, i wanna say sorry to my last review since you're right, it was a stupid thing to do...
Ok then, happy writings... :)
2/19/2010 c1 Zacharias11
It's a great story... :-)
Though What happened to the rest of it? I know there's a part there where Roxanne/Roxy get's kidnapped by Nathaniel and is saved by Lloyd and the rest...
Looking forward for you to continue it...
-A fan
It's a great story... :-)
Though What happened to the rest of it? I know there's a part there where Roxanne/Roxy get's kidnapped by Nathaniel and is saved by Lloyd and the rest...
Looking forward for you to continue it...
-A fan
12/18/2009 c15 Buhbyesuckers
Hey! I'm one of your silent readers. Anyway I'm glad you updated, even though it took AGES! Can't believe you're one of the evil authors who leave it a CLIFFHANGER! urgh!
Please update quicker then you did before, that's all i want to say!
:)
Hey! I'm one of your silent readers. Anyway I'm glad you updated, even though it took AGES! Can't believe you're one of the evil authors who leave it a CLIFFHANGER! urgh!
Please update quicker then you did before, that's all i want to say!
:)