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for The Clock Is Ticking

7/29/2009 c1 22Eisan
Pretty good so far. I really like how you wrote the dialogue, and so far the characters seem very realistic and likable. I'm really interested in seeing how a story about a teenager moving to California from Hawaii can lead to time traveling. I guess my only question is, is Kiko going into high school? Because she seemed excited about that Lowell High acceptance letter, although I've never known a high school to use acceptance letters. (I've only known colleges to use acceptance letters, which is why I'm slightly confused about Kiko's age) Or maybe Lowell High is a private school?

Anyway, good job so far! I like your style of description and this looks like it has some potential. Keep up the good work!
7/25/2009 c2 Viva
im really enjoying the story

its kinda to early to see where the storyline is going so i cant comment on that

but i think you have a really good narrative voice and a really realistic character. she is very down to earth and easy to relate to

keep writing!
7/23/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
This was a nice introduction into your story, and I like how you incorporate Hawaiin words into this chapter. I sense that something is up with the father...maybe you will go into more detail on this next chapter?

~ Sakina from the Roadhouse x

[please pay it forward to another chapter of Soul Catcher!]
7/23/2009 c2 Danielle Gin
Is it just me, or does that last scene come out of no where? If you're going to have your charcter show interest in you MC, try making it build up. Because right now I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable with how abrasive Matt's being. Other than that, nice work. I'm curious to see who will be the time traveling boy and how she'll handle it.
7/23/2009 c1 Danielle Gin
I like the idea for this story a lot! Time traveling is wicked cool, so major props for planning to use it in the story later on. One thing I'm not too fond of though is that when a character holds out a sound or a word, you write how it would sound. This makes it difficult to read and looks a little imature. Simply stating in your descriptions that the character talked differently would suffice. But apart from that, nice work!
7/23/2009 c2 1BeccaHeartsAckles
In reference to your note at the bottom - I dont think was a crappy chapter!

I think it was really good.

I strongly dislike that Derriere woman ... although that did raise a point that i have been saying for years now - Why put an 's' in lisp? Thats just mean ... d :

And your descriptions are also very good - i can picture everything clearly.

That last line was a bit random.. but it did make me laugh!

I can relate to Kiko too, and i totally understand what you were getting at with the 'not being able to take compliments' thing ... i'm exactly the same!

I love her character. Very real.

I only noticed one or two little mistakes ... but nothing majorly noticable.

Can't wait to read some more.

~The Roadhouse
7/23/2009 c1 BeccaHeartsAckles
I like this so far.

I know you have to describe everything that's going on, and sometimes people make that very boring but you didn't.

And i love Athena. She is very adorable. (:

I think maybe you could put in a little more description ... i'm not sure what most of your characters look like.

But apart from that it was very good.
7/22/2009 c2 deletety
Hey, I love your style of writing. And your main character. Their thoughts and feelings are shown well. Butt is so mean! Haha, you should kill her off *snickers evilly*

And Matt's quite strange. . .

Anyway, I can't wait for updates.
7/22/2009 c2 25KelaBelle
I like this chapter, very nice, Funny and all with his I want to do you, don;t egt many guys who just splurt that out.
7/22/2009 c1 9ruii23
can't wait to find out what happens next (:
4/4/2009 c1 Nuda
I hope this story is going to be finished because it the plot is unique and it is also very well written. The number of reviews would quickly multiply if you updated more frequently and, if possible, regularly.
5/21/2008 c1 gallowsCalibrator
Good story so far. I cant wait for you to update!

5/21/2008 c1 zisforzoe
woohoo! city pride! i know exactly where all the places you mentioned are. it's cool she's going to lowell, i thought for sure private school. and there'e plenty of them in the sunset. all right awesome, you've officially hooked me. update soon :]
5/20/2008 c1 3viennax
haha disease-ridden monkeys

the first time i read it i thought it said donkey so i was confused. me and my inability to read x]

nice start to the story!

but don't get bored of writing like you did for the other ones, otherwise i'll be depressed cuz i won't know what happens.
5/20/2008 c1 1Nopotofgold
Jut what i wanted! A disease ridden Monkey, how did you know. But really the chapter was good and I would love to read the next chapter.

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