for The Dreamers6/2/2008 c1 
1Generation Dead
This was great.
I love how you used 'in the streets of make believe'
That was very beautiful to me!
Awesome job!
1Generation DeadThis was great.
I love how you used 'in the streets of make believe'
That was very beautiful to me!
Awesome job!
5/25/2008 c1 lymli
when I finished reading I just felt I can understand what you mean, sometimes I dream too much and I know it's a wasting time but it's true maybe there's a secret...
when I finished reading I just felt I can understand what you mean, sometimes I dream too much and I know it's a wasting time but it's true maybe there's a secret...
5/24/2008 c1 14Thoughtful Silence
I loved this... simple as that. The only thing that irked me about this is the lack of syntax and I thought that the effectiveness of the last line was kinda diminished by the lack of a period or space between the last two lines. But, these are just minor things :)
14Thoughtful SilenceI loved this... simple as that. The only thing that irked me about this is the lack of syntax and I thought that the effectiveness of the last line was kinda diminished by the lack of a period or space between the last two lines. But, these are just minor things :)
5/24/2008 c1 174a silenced revolution
I love the expression 'streets of make-believe'. It perfectly captures what imagination is like; just a lovely metaphor.
I'd suggest separating the piece into stanzas between the fifth and sixth lines, or at least putting a period so the two separate thoughts don't run together. Overall, nice job.
-Adrian, from the review marathon (link in my profile).
174a silenced revolutionI love the expression 'streets of make-believe'. It perfectly captures what imagination is like; just a lovely metaphor.
I'd suggest separating the piece into stanzas between the fifth and sixth lines, or at least putting a period so the two separate thoughts don't run together. Overall, nice job.
-Adrian, from the review marathon (link in my profile).