for The Burning12/28/2008 c3 AngelicSerenity
This is an extremely great story so far! I love it!
I love how your grammar is so precise. I love when authors with grammar show off their skills. I also tip my hat to you. The description for the story caught my eye immediately! I hope you do continue this!
As for any critique, I would most probably say that you need to edit over and/or get someone to read over it. The grammar is good, but you see many puncuation marks missing.
That's all the crit. I have. :) Keep up the amazing work and make us proud! x3
-AngelicSerenity
This is an extremely great story so far! I love it!
I love how your grammar is so precise. I love when authors with grammar show off their skills. I also tip my hat to you. The description for the story caught my eye immediately! I hope you do continue this!
As for any critique, I would most probably say that you need to edit over and/or get someone to read over it. The grammar is good, but you see many puncuation marks missing.
That's all the crit. I have. :) Keep up the amazing work and make us proud! x3
-AngelicSerenity
7/4/2008 c4 
4Sing With The Elevator Music
interesting. i liked the old lady/gypsy? and how she was babbling something that i'm sure is important to the plot, but i obviously dont understand yet. :) i love the naturaly bantering between the brothers. lol
and i absolutely loved the reference to the trio becoming a duet. i thought that was a really good description.
SWEM
4Sing With The Elevator Musicinteresting. i liked the old lady/gypsy? and how she was babbling something that i'm sure is important to the plot, but i obviously dont understand yet. :) i love the naturaly bantering between the brothers. lol
and i absolutely loved the reference to the trio becoming a duet. i thought that was a really good description.
SWEM
6/14/2008 c3 Sing With The Elevator Music
hm... i'm kind of confused, but i'm sure it is nothing that a couple more chapters cant fix. my guess is that this is the world that the brother finds a key to?
i have no other complaint besides being lost. :) it was written well. good job
SWEM
hm... i'm kind of confused, but i'm sure it is nothing that a couple more chapters cant fix. my guess is that this is the world that the brother finds a key to?
i have no other complaint besides being lost. :) it was written well. good job
SWEM
6/10/2008 c2 Sing With The Elevator Music
haha. i love the brother's relationship. one piece of advice would be to not start the chapter with dialogue because the first thing we read is someone talking and we dont know who or where or what's going on. it feels a little like we're floating in nowheresville until you "ground" us with more info. does that make any sense?
i really like this brother Aaron. He sounds like me. It's not all books though. I leave stuff EVERYWHERE, but oddly enough its all very organized. i know where everything is. :) does he buy and sell books?
SWEM
haha. i love the brother's relationship. one piece of advice would be to not start the chapter with dialogue because the first thing we read is someone talking and we dont know who or where or what's going on. it feels a little like we're floating in nowheresville until you "ground" us with more info. does that make any sense?
i really like this brother Aaron. He sounds like me. It's not all books though. I leave stuff EVERYWHERE, but oddly enough its all very organized. i know where everything is. :) does he buy and sell books?
SWEM
6/9/2008 c1 1Syd Diamond
Wow that was intense! I really liked the description here! Keep up the good work, oh, and I only found one spelling error. You said "had lost 'it' flavor" when I think you might have meant that "it lost 'it's' flavor." Anyway, still very interesting!
1Syd DiamondWow that was intense! I really liked the description here! Keep up the good work, oh, and I only found one spelling error. You said "had lost 'it' flavor" when I think you might have meant that "it lost 'it's' flavor." Anyway, still very interesting!
5/31/2008 c1 lani171717
First, I just have to say that your summary is really good. It does a great job at capturing the reader to view you're story. Although short, I really like this. YOu find out alot about the character in so few words. Writing style's good to.
Update soon, I'll be looking for more.
-Andalusie
First, I just have to say that your summary is really good. It does a great job at capturing the reader to view you're story. Although short, I really like this. YOu find out alot about the character in so few words. Writing style's good to.
Update soon, I'll be looking for more.
-Andalusie
5/29/2008 c1 9Celeste Se'oir
An rather short prelude, but I imagine from your description that their's more fun things to come. So Andrew is the 'brother' that ends up in a coma, huh?. Hm, interesting way to start.
I do like the poem at the beginning. Always did like Robert Frost.
Laterz,
Cathryn Black~
9Celeste Se'oirAn rather short prelude, but I imagine from your description that their's more fun things to come. So Andrew is the 'brother' that ends up in a coma, huh?. Hm, interesting way to start.
I do like the poem at the beginning. Always did like Robert Frost.
Laterz,
Cathryn Black~
5/29/2008 c1 4Sing With The Elevator Music
i really liked this. there were a couple things i wanted to mention. first your descriptions are spectacular. they repeated only once in the last couple paragraphs where you said the glass "flew through the air." i guess just reword it the second time. and then also this "Screech. Slam. Brake. Jerk. Thud." usually i would caution from using words like this in a story especially when the rest of it was described so beautifully. it reminds me of a Batman comic book. it was somewhat acceptable when you said that Andrew was thinking in one syllable sentances, but it still was what was going on around him and not what he was thinking. does that make sense?
Really great job! cant wait for more!
SWEM
4Sing With The Elevator Musici really liked this. there were a couple things i wanted to mention. first your descriptions are spectacular. they repeated only once in the last couple paragraphs where you said the glass "flew through the air." i guess just reword it the second time. and then also this "Screech. Slam. Brake. Jerk. Thud." usually i would caution from using words like this in a story especially when the rest of it was described so beautifully. it reminds me of a Batman comic book. it was somewhat acceptable when you said that Andrew was thinking in one syllable sentances, but it still was what was going on around him and not what he was thinking. does that make sense?
Really great job! cant wait for more!
SWEM